So I had to explain to her that pussy doesn't mean a cat
I just got fire extinguished by his roommate while we were having sex. That's just taking cock blocking to a whole new level.
Would it be cruel if i sold xanax instead of adderall to freshman unfamiliar to the drug-taking profession?
I took my vicodin with tequila. I can FEEL gravity...
He's yummy.
HE'S GAY. AND 40.
Irrelevant.
We dropped so many bottles they would only give us plastic cups. We actually drank ourselves back to preschool.
Yeah haha but we have no idea where his keys are. Last night was awful. Him and Chancey were in a fully embraced bro hug at one point. Both crying.
When he was fat he reminded me of my high school best friend and I just wanted to hug him and hug him. Also, he's funny and humor is the fastest way into my pants after Doctor Who and liquor.
Nothing says casual like stairwell bjs
When cunnilingus is one of the first 25 words you say to someone there's a problem
#reasonsyoushouldnthaveatinder
Someone I just met told me they were going to name their kid after me. Daylight savings is weird.
My dad just saw me take dirty one night stand underwear out of my purse. I'm willing to admit I have a problem
Is eating a dinner of fishsticks and gin mean you're failing at adulthood? I'm asking for a friend.
I call bullshit
Call it what ever you want I just need to figure out how to get permanent marker off my cock
I woke up this morning to pee and six dollar bills fell out of my underwear. I guess that lap dance just bought me lunch.
Randomize
