tfor prom could you pick me up wo bottles of champagne and a condom, please?
he kept kneeing me like he was playing footsies... only then i realized it was his dick.
This girl told me I had the balls of an infant..I replied by saying her vagina looks like Stargate.
i lost my phone in the process of getting a condom out of my hair
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Next time we go to the river, we nominate you to flash people for free booze. Your tits are the biggest.
I'll make a Jello mold of your face so everyone can get drunk off your face
in a thick russian accent she said "im not so good with english, much better with dick"
I swear she's a drunk klepto...by the end of the night she had stolen 3 bowling balls. HOW DO YOU STEAL 3 BOWLING BALLS?
Just for future reference, me asking if you're free, followed by a winking face is not my way of suggesting a tandem bike ride.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
after all you did bang a few mechanics. you must have got some second hand skills by now for building us a go kart.
We hooked up for a while and on his way out he high fived me and said "stay weird"
I finally figured out how to tighten my bra straps and I feel like a god
"Are we not going to talk about how you got so drunk that you swallowed someone's pet gold fish, whole?"
I feel like I shouldn't be left around 30 year olds when I'm drunk
He told his wife he was too old to pretend to be straight. She tried to argue. He walked two tables over and was like this is my highschool sweetheart and he's an excellent fuck, we're running away together. It was epic.
Randomize