just cut a line with my blood donor card...i feel like it will help remind me that i was once a productive member of society.
Going to get tested monday. You're coming with. Bonding time, slut style.
As it turns out, strippers don't accept checks.
The best part is that he made someone stop their workout to take pictures of him, specifically so he could put them on facebook. That is an unparalleled level of douchebaggery.
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while we were making out your friend starting kissing my toes and all you had to say was "just go with it"
All of our toilets in my house are broken. Thank God I've practiced peeing in the sink enough.
yeah that's what i said...you fucked him and peed on his comforter
yeah well...Like any great yacht, I leave a wake
Tell me about it. Running across highways take alot outta ya. When he found out, he was all "concerned" about it.
It's like... Even my horoscope knows I had an awkward threesome last night.
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I'm crying at a bar by myself drinking a pear martini drawing things dicks are scared of. How was your day?
Driving home this morning in my minion costume makes me rethink the 0 tint on my windows.
I wanted to waterboard myself with beer, but no one would give me their shirt to do it.
and then after the older sorority girl asked me his name she said "he gave me the rest of his mcdonalds and I decided to go home with him. it was the best that I could hope for my night"
Sorry this is taking so long. I'm looking for my dignity.
sorry bout the carpet, but you DID call it "blackout punch" not "don't vom on my floor punch"
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