I'm either going to be a Playboy Playmate or take over the world. Either way the world wins.
pube in her braces AGAIN. barely kept a straight face.
the only reason I knew his name is because half way through I looked up and it was tatooed on his chest.
wait so...it's like an actual thing to masturbate using the detachable shower head? WTF I thought I was being creative!
she said she likes her vagina punished
being with you and your tiny dick is punishment enough
taking a shot every time they compare curling to a real sport
dude, she was giving me a lapdance and her thong had a skid mark. no I did not hit it.
He told me his penis would be a "Sad Panda" if I didn't give it a ride through the jungle.
If I die, I leave all my liquor in my apartment to you. Be a drunk bitch at my funeral. I wouldn't want it any other way.
Very impressive. My GPA is the same amount of orgasms I can offer tonight (valid only tonight): 3.5
i can feel the knowledge leaking out of my brain
replace it with alcohol - nature abhors a vacuum
I'm so happy I'm only on my second drink. That would have been the best idea ever if I was on my fifth.
Here's what I don't understand. How does anyone watch you eat mayo for 12 minutes and then ever fuck you again??
Agree to hang out with him and then take a gigantic shit right on him. Or if youve forgiven him for being a fucker maybe make out with him.
I feel like I got run over by a steamroller made of cigarettes and booze driven by all of the men I've slept with.
Randomize
