I hope you have a really shitty weekend. I love you.
Girls gone wild is like the hills, except sexy and it doesnt suck
She smells like mac and cheese, right after you add the cheese. It's strangely erotic.
if I could go back to kindergarten and not fuck up my life, I so would.
I love family holidays its the only time when playing beer pong, and smoking hookah with my family isnt looked down upon
There are Star Wars cutouts in his basement. Obi Wan Kenobe watched me give him a handjob.
I could study for finals and ace all my tests but wheres the fun in that? id rather black out and hope for the best
My Bio teacher gave me extra marks for putting "deer with AK-47 seeking retribution" at the top of the food chain on my exam. 51% pass here i come!!
I packed spaghetti and rum. But panties? Nah
he's definitely still old enough to be your dad. even your grandfather, if you come from a line of juvenile delinquents
It's been this way for a few days. I had chick fil a on Friday so this could be an attack from the Gay Gods as punishment.
Went to work in the same clothes from last night, completely covered in glitter...I didn't choose the hag life, the hag life chose me
First date was awkward. I think I just saw someone die.
MY COWORKER IS ATTRACTIVE AND I DROPPED A SONIC THE HEDGEHOG JOKE IN CONVERSATION I FUCKED UP
I melted cheese on my pizza rolls. When I die make sure someone melts cheese on my rolls.
Randomize
