I actually just cleaned easy glide lube off my desk. My life has gone way down hill since I met you.
Dude I just figured out the mystery flavor of airhead is vodka sprite, no way i'm wrong
I want to drop kick Stephanie Meyer
you spelled her name wrong
not you too!!
I need a DD tuesday morning around 9 AM
I'm scared to ask why.....
1st bikini wax. Jose Cuervo is helping me prepare.
Just fucked in his moms tanning bed. While it was on. Weirdest. Tan. Ever.
just wondering who decided to put a cup of throw up in my fridge
2 classes, 3 finals, and $30 worth of adderall until this semester is over.
I can't right now...you know Sunday night is whn I get drunk and do laundry.
And she was like "I wanted you all for myself, to love you, and treat you like gold."... See this is why I shouldn't fuck Italian chicks...
The cops said we could pay $250 or spend the night in jail and get 2 free meals. I might pee in mail-boxes more often
Almost screamed "GO FISH MOTHER FUCKER" at the girl I nanny today. Drunken card games shouldn't bleed into my sober life.
Someone had written "Boxmonsterette" on the bathroom wall and I just knew you'd been here.
Only at Harvard can you walk in on a bunch of stoners and expect everyone to immediately stand up, shake your hand and introduce themselves like we're at a fucking job fair
Call me something sexy & ethnic. Like jasmine. But mystical too. Like Mermaid Jasmine. And throw Glitter somewhere in there too.
he started frosting cupcakes and licking the mini-spatula realllllly deliberately and i don't know if i'm more attracted to him or the cupcakes
Randomize
