Nicole vs. Life
I was wasted and lost so I called the cops and asked for directions. It seemed logical at the time
I know...I feel like disliking her as a person on facebook
I just found out that the liquid capacity of my breasts is 700ml each. I should not be left alone at home when drunk.
I'm crossing my legs while pooping. Taking a shit has never looked so proper.
Oh my god what did I do. My hands are scraped, there are pickles on the floor, my clothes are wet, and I don't remember how I get here. Thank you.
You don't care if I shave my legs, but you insist I be conscious for sex. Whatever. I really think your priorities are out of whack.
He didn't get laid that weekend.. and that is honestly an accomplishment for the rest of us.
it is basically gonna be an ugly Christmas sweater rave
How do I cancel buying spotify premium for two homeless people?
i think i just encouraged him to glue googly eyes to my boobs
You know you had a good night when you wake up cuddling a baseball bat and a can of chicken noodle soup.
I share a birthday weekend with Easter this year, so that fucking sucks. I hate sharing...and I have to share with fucking Jesus this year.\n
None of what you just said was coherent
I just bought wine at a gas station what the hell do you expect
Right. Cuz nothing screams "You made it!" quite like selling your used underwear to strangers you met on the internet.
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