i have a feeling tonight will end in rehab
He was putting purell on my boobs saying "they need to be clean for later." He hadn't had a drink all night
You were mumbling a lot and offered me 20 dollars to leave you alone
so the last visual we have of him for the next 87 weeks is him outside on the ground rolling around yelling I HATE BLOWJOBS
This is the last pregnancy scare i've had since i was 12 and i thought you could get pregnant from masturbating.
The heaters out again. Makin a fire in thebroke toilet for warmth.
I pretty much threw up on him while he slept, I had one task today which was to wash the sheets that I threw up on and I turned them pink. I would leave me if I could
Is percocet and coffee considered a balanced breakfast?
He kissed my hand AND my forehead. I don't think this virginity business is for heartless whores like us.
As part of the off-hours team building exercises, I had my new coworkers figure out to push me back to the hotel from the nearby bars in a shopping cart every night for a week.
I feel like there is something fundamentally wrong with me as a woman. My initial text to you was "What's up, fuck bucket?"
And they're not making a turkey. My cousin was "hoping to shoot a bird this week"
Wow two curved penises in one weekend. I feel like this may be good luck. Like finding a four leaf clover
Everyone says she blew me in the bathroom, so I believe it, I just don't REMEMBER.
I was so drunk I got stuck in the middle of a revolving door
Randomize
