So I'm stoned for 420, and have an eye doctor appointment in fifteen minutes
Are your eyes okay
I mean if I was Asian they would be
apparently went to arby's at 2:30am banging on the windows for someone to make me a "beefy"
Thats a flattering suggestion doug but lets be clear NO you may not put your face in my vagina just because ur not charging me a cover. sorry.
I just talked to a CEO of a fortune 500 company while pooping. I LOVE being self employed.
Even the bartender felt bad for me
I need Christmas break to be over. I'm tired of fucking my old High School girlfriends
I pretty much gave up on you when you told me you couldn't go home yet b/c you had to stop at church first. It was 2 AM and you insisted you were late for mass.
I have absolutely nothing sober to say to you.
She is singing the swedish chef song and throwing utensils. I love this place
Also 70% sure I have a splinter on my eyelid from last night
Was the first guy that bit your neck last night wearing a trenchcoat...I have a vague memory.
You're just upset because I have cupcakes and boobs and you don't.
We have such a parasitic relationship. But the kind where the parasite benefits from the relationship. Like the pilot fish and a shark. The fish gets the leftover food scraps from the shark and the shark gets a free bath from it.
that's so insightful.
the fact that your 21st birthday is also new years eve is pretty much a death sentence
I can’t shake the image of her gigantic black unibrow. It’s like I got a blowie from Eugene Levy
Randomize
