Those kids are glorified dude-bros. It's banal.
Gave out candy dressed as a porn star...bet you can guess how the mothers kept reacting.
I am waking up at 7am to go to church with him and his family... I better get eaten out tonight.
they ran out of ice so they are using frozen shrimp in their drinks
Yea, you were talking about how you did not want to be a reindeer for at least 5 minutes.
A man that refers to my vagina in third person is a man after my own heart.
i've written a new chapter in the saga of unexpected dongs
Doing bumps while the kids play upstairs. #bestnannyever
Can we smoke pot out of a menorah?
I went to an 8am hookup in another guys sweatpants. Who is the really player here?
YOUR TO-DO SEX LIST CANNOT CONSIST ENTIRELY OF MY THREE BEST FRIENDS
and their significant others
AND THEIR SIGNIFICANT OTHERS
Nah, i wasn't offended. Having a bridesmaid who you had had multiple threesomes with your future husband would be weird.
I feel a blackout coming on
Plz don't have me burst into your house saying you're late for re airport to rescue you from a fat girl again
That was 2 times
Did you clean my apartment?
I thought it was a dream, I'm sorry
Please stay more often
I'm not gonna lie. I need sex like plants need water right now. I just need the dick.
Randomize
