You'd love this place it's beautiful. Plus these people smell like garlic
I woke up (not at home) to find out I kissed Ryan Caberra, flashed for free gumbys and carried around an inflatable moose named Johnson. Great success.
i wonder if i could find a boyfriend who would call me big papa
sure if you go to prison
i pretty much saved your life. you were so conviced that your nail polish remover bottle was "Vodka Lemon"
And he showed us your test. You wrote what is this shit and scribbled on it? Nice 3%..
he turned the pretty ricky playlist on. its about to go down.
Do you how many people I've successfully loaded into a Mazda Miata? Six. Six people. How? Strategically.
So after I was tied with a feather boa he left me there with KFC and cherry coke
There is a guy, stoned out of his mind, only wearing slippers and a bathrobe in the library.
I'm stoned entirely off resin. Licking my blankets. Merry Christmas. Jesus died for our sins. Yay Jesus. I love you.
Just me. You're probably having sex with her right now, so here's a reminder that you should be thinking of me per our agreement.
Most drunken moment of the night is me pouring Chanel no. 5 all over your boobs and rubbing it in...
I think I just pulled an onion peel off my boob from sleeping on their kitchen floor
Because that's what you do with poop. You expect the worst.
It’s official. I’ve hooked up with all three brothers now
You should go after Dad now
I should! He’s definitely middle age fuckable
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