he wouldn't shut up and let me sleep
yeah i got into a fight with my man last night
why can't men just shut up and put out?
some how when im high sleep beats hunger...its like how paper beats rock it doesnt make any fucking sense but it still happens
I've officially moved beyond college drinking. I just got business drunk at an internship seminar.
so i wake up and the chick who i had sex last night left her phone number. next to the number was a broken condom. should i call?
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She had to put it in. I told her I was too drunk and didnt trust myself to not put it in her ass.
I still have your handprint on my ass. You're not allowed to ignore me yet.
Apparently as she was dragging me out of the club, I was clinching onto this european guy screaming at Jenna: that's the 12th time you've cockblocked me tonight
I can't even look at my running shoes. I swear I drank more in the last 2 days than the last 6 months combined
He is currently pregaming mini golf. MINI GOLF.
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He's just so adorable. And I don't want to fuck someone who's adorable.
I just burped smoke on the bus. Hello 6:48am
I can't believe i lost my ID... bringing my birth certificate to the club was a weird experience
…wtf were in those pills mom gave me
You snapped me at 3am drunk laying on your floor asking if I knew how we couldn't have predicted the housing crisis.
I think I was high. I asked a dude at chillis if they had a cereal buffet
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