You ended at least 6 stories with "and that's why I don't snort coke anymore"
look. either you want to have late night naked sleep overs or you don't. do not involve dinner and extraneous conversations in this relationship.
woke up in a garbage bag. literally. it was used as a sleeping bag.
And it was confirmed to me that I did in fact cut my girlfriend out of her dress with my sword.
I was so drunk that I didn't realize he was staying at the Waldorf. I walk of shamed the Astoria, do you even know what this means?
I'm at a party with half naked strippers driving in a little kids battery powered mustang around a stipper pole in his bedroom
fyi, she knows we call her the sperm bank. watch your back.
In all fairness I did warn the guy I just spray tanned before we had sex so I hold no responsibility for the bronzer all over his sheets
I left myself a trail of jello shots, that ended at his door. OR maybe he left me a trail of jello shots at his door. DO I GO IN!?
And I just had to awkwardly tell 3 police officers that I was having sex and not in any trouble
Then my perve supervisor asked about your vagina. And I was like nunya, but its glorious
Well, it's a fine line between people-watching and boob-staring. It's a gray area. But we're in Paris. Let's leave it at that.
6 pack came off in the shower. Sharpie is not forever.
I REMEMBER NUGGETS BEING THERE BUT WE WERE AT A TACO BELL
There is a fake eye lash glued to one of my balls.
Randomize
