omg. I had the wrong window open and I accidentaly posted my credit card # on twitter
Whats your twitter name
I want to get laid tonight but my sheets haven't been washed since vomiting in them on Halloween :(
You said you wanted to go to louisiana and get arrested by Steven segal
hey everyone... booty call? my house tonight. bring friends to fuck my friends.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just want you to know I am def drunk enough to burn down your house. Don't worry I checked the stove like 6 times. I love grilled cheese
I think I should receive an honorary Heisman... I mean, I did sleep with two of the finalists
It would be like bopping for an apple with my penis but never winning an actual prize. The only thing I would get from it would be the joy from taking part but then regretting it forever more
THAT WAS PROBABLY MY ONE CHANCE TO SLEEP WITH A MAN NAMED BORIS AND YOU RUINED IT.
There is nacho cheese and blood everywhere.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
That final makes me want to drink myself into the fetal position
You told me you had two boobs that want to be naked for me. I'm just following up on your request.
You drunkenly hook up with 5 people in one night and suddenly everyone tries to party with you.
You're dick is like the main character. It needs its own picture.
A guy I hooked up with YEARS ago just endorsed me on LinkedIn for "customer service".
You are not allowed to sing ever again, my ears are still ringing.
Randomize