And i quote: "where's y'alls from comin' in with them accents?" - from a mississipi mcdonalds
Walked into a liquor store bleeding. That kind of night.
you asked "if this appropriate to take the the bathroom?" while holding up a bottle of vodka when you went to pee.
we woke up to him feeding us cheetos at 3am. and by feeding i mean shoving them in our mouths and saying "i mean who doesn't like cheetos"
I know for sure he's a bro because he closed the door so my gf didn't see me hooking up with her cousin.
I'm going to need to borrow your helmet cam for my Wednesday night blackouts.
by "whatever happens, happens" i meant "we are totally hooking up again on tuesday." i thought that was obvious.
What are you wearing tonight?
The colors of the winddddddd
I want to be your penis for a week.
I think the saddest part about my sex life is that most of it is pity sex.
I'm never celebrating Galentine's Day again. It was a whorrific mess.
He struggled for a second trying to unhook my bra and I said "4/10. Novice."
I'm not well. Although it could be worse.
My cousin is so hungover she quit her job.
I would also like you to tell your human bio class that I successfully smoked out the flu. 103 degree when I woke up yesterday. 100degree after one bowl. 4 more bowls and 16 hours later all that's left is a cough
woke up to two girls crawling on top of me forcefeeding me bacon. Best. Hangover. Ever.
Randomize
