If you borrow your friends real doll, should you wear a condom?
is it wrong that i woudl like to tie u down to the baby changing station using the straps provided?
I swear that men would be more efficient if they had a semen gauge on their penises
you were on all fours yelling at the earth to stop spinning.
i am already firmly committed to doing irish carbombs w/ 12 different people, and the st pattys day party doesnt start for another 24 hours. i may die
My favorite part was when he stopped, looked up in the middle of performing oral sex and asked, "you did know it was Arbor Day, right?"
i had to write a bad check to buy franzia last weekend. i have my priorities in line.
I had a dream that we erected a stage in our living room for "impromptu performances" how can we make this a reality?
You were so high you insisted on spoon feeding me your KFC bowl while I was driving.
Was who let the dogs out playing?
Ya. You started barking when it ended
He asked me when I was coming to bed while simultaneously drilling a fart into the mattress. Don't fucking get married.
He thought my hair would soak it up. I HAD TO CUT IT OFF.
What would you do if your asshole suddenly made the sound of a sheep duck baa/quacking the words kill me
You are so incredibly one of a kind, it's astounding
I have a cat for love and a booty call for sex. What else could I need?
I say I'm working from home on conference call days, but really I just mute the phone, put that shit on speaker so I can hear what's going on, and let Marcus fuck my brains out.
he just asked me that if he was a penguin and I was a penguin if I would fuck him
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