I think my tv knows when im high and tells taco bell
I cant believe that bitch gave me herpes. she said those bumps were just a part of the natural landscape
wait, did she really refer to her vagina as a landscape?
why are you more concerned about her word choice than the fact that I HAVE FUCKING HERPES
how can i change my meal plan to a keystone plan?
Best feeling in the world? holding your pee all day for a negative preggo test
You were in my dream and you got the lyrics to lollipop tattooed on your chest. Don't get it, it wasnt that cool.
We need to start having rules for the weekends. Like no more downing 3 shots because we want to slut dance a little harder or because biggie just came on.
what is with people arguing over soda or pop? to be honest i thought it was just called chaser
She's gonna be fat in the future. On a side note I had a "It's not you, it's me." conversation with a bottle of jack last night.
I want to wear something that says I'm a lady (but I have condoms!)
I'm okay with corrupting his young mind.
Ew! He's just a child!
AND I'M GONNA SHOW HIM HOW TO MAKE ONE.
So I stappled myself into my toga... that should be interesting getting out of later tonight...
I'm pretty sure there a million tiny ninjas in my uterus poking me with sticks.
Just thinking about this summer makes me feel a slight tingle of an orgasm mixed with a twinge of regret as the cold ghostly feeling of multiple hangovers creep into my body.
Today is a good day to get high. It's easy to blame the glazed-over look in my eye on my new contacts
I’ve wanted to home wreck him since their wedding. It was a dream come true
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