she just took a shower. i'll probs go down on her to encourage shower taking. it's like pavlov, you know?
i fucked her mom dude
there's something to tell the kids
Hey man your outta milk
How the hell do you keep getting in my apartment?!
You are just a treasure cave of fabulous alcoholic ideas.
Screw this I'm going to go talk to her. If you hear sirens they're for me.
He got drunk and insisted on licking my eyeball and called it a test of my trust in him.
They wouldn't let me go to sleep at the police station while I was waiting to bail u out. YOU OWE ME
Fixing to yell "you're too hot for her" at a Gerard butler look alike. There is absolutely no way this is going to end well...
I am not ready to suck todays dick. Todays dick just laughed and came on my face.
He returned my car yesterday. Found a duffel bag with beef jerky, condoms, and a handgun this morning. Slightly concerned
There are cops on horseback in our back yard
I'm totally wasted about to ride water slides. That's goddamn 'Merican. That and Clint Eastwood.
i found you in bed eating fish fillets dipped in chocolate pudding
I know you're on a date and I should leave you alone but about twenty minutes ago I realized I haven't been spanked in years so if you're still looking for a birthday present, you know, consider it.
can you come here so we can have really loud sex? the girl upstairs walks so loud i want her to know how it feels
of course
Randomize
