yeah well you didnt even puke from the alcohol. we cut you off and went to huck finn's and told you that the "irish cream" coffee creamers had baileys in it, so you shot down like eight of them and puked all over the floor. it was great. we cheered you on and everything
I legitimately sent him a storybook of naked pictures.
I don't care what he thinks. My vagina has an open door policy.
i get of class at 4. it takes me 17 minutes to walk home and 3 to load a bowl. thank you, priority registration.
im destined to be single forever. i hope its okay if your kids come and hang out with my cats.
My drug dealer is making me hot tea during the snowstorm...I'm a fan.
So are you still down for me to come stay with you and just have sex on vicodin all weekend?
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I was trying to be a bartender for my boyfriend and his friends last night, but I was too drunk so I just kept bringing them ice cubes in my hand.
Chris threw beer can at guy. Guy ended up being a fighter. Chris got his eye socket broke. Fighter got hand re-broke. Chris is passed out. Fighter is in kellys bed. everybody won last night. I think.
My Instagram consists mostly of drag queens and people who dress up as power rangers... I'm pretty sure I'm an unclassified category of gay
I spent the day drinking wine and meditating. I'm zen as fuck.
Dude, get out of Andrea's vagina and call me back
Welp, just took a tab of acid and cracked one of three bottles of champagne... Mondays ¯\\_(ツ)_/¯
I parked in the SAE Fraternity lot and left a note that said if you don't tow me you will all get a blowjob.
I tried making my own red bull with crushed up caffeine pills, bubbley water and flintstones chewable vitamins. The ER doctor sead I'm lucky to be alive.
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