Just gargled Fireball to get the fish taco taste out of my mouth. Almost as good as gum.
Taking jello shots out of a big bowl from a measuring spoon. holla atcha boy.
btw i have an angry voicemail of you yelling at me to get you a sandwich or die.
Found your pants in the mailbox
What were my pants doing in the mailbox?
I don't know but there's postage on them
if I die on the way please explain to my mother that I do not wear fishnets on a regular basis
My only regret is that we didn't pee on our neighbors Prius
He sent me a picture; erect penis, cat in hand and no pants on. He got a boob pic for that one.
Tried to dodge fire in poncho. Fell through fence. Blood everywhere.
I vaguely remember Matt shouting something about "GET ON MY LEVEL!" at the bartender before he attempted to order a case of tequila from him.
It was going alright when lo and behold Tom the cock blocking tornado hits. He is the only man I know who doesn't want anyone to fuck girls.
Do you remember using the vicegrip to demonstrate how wide your penis is?
She looks well worn, presumably from a cavalcade of penis.
I don't know whether to be insulted or flattered that I am being propositioned to have a threesome only if I wear my cat onesie
He was cute in a Sketchy-trying-to-sell-you-a-vaccum-at-9-at-night kinda way.
andy told me i got kicked out of the bar and was so drunk i forgot and got back in line. the bouncer was zero impressed
Randomize
