Say "Steve Buscemi is hot." with a straight face.
i'm in his bathroom *freshening up* and he not only has a hairdryer... but a straightener. get me out of here... NOW
Wow. He pulled out his dick and I swear I heard a thud from it hitting the floor.
she said we were using the spray butter as air freshener
I ate goldfish off your shoulder, I think we had bigger issues
Those mornings you wake up with a Barbie tramp stamp are the mornings that are the that are going to make me miss this place
I just got my hands on some dry ice. How do you feel about coming home to a mystical wizard toilet?
I found a body half wedged into my bedroom wall this morning. How do I explain THIS to the carpenters?
Just at the gym drinking. We call it treadmillcolada
No one understands the complete and utter debilitating 3 day bday bender.
On the shuttle bus from the Casino the driver refused to take us to the strip club so you said "let me off this bus or ill puke on you".
That's the 3rd guy I've made pass out from a bj. I may have super powers.
If sending nudes to tinder boy is considered functional then yes.
I'm still mad from all the stupid shit he's done this week that even though I couldn't give two shits about Vday, I'm gonna throw an epic tantrum if he doesn't morph in to Nickolas Sparks for a day
Am I the only person in the world that does not give a shit about the avengers?
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