Someone will be leaving this trip either pregnant or devastated.
Nothing says true friendship like 2 people bonding over potentially having AIDS.
When you wake up, just ignore the mess in the bathroom. I'll take her home when I'm off work.
i just wrote an ode to an enchilada dorito. i'll need that pregnancy test now please.
You are a magnificent human being. I love you from head to toe. This wine is DELICIOUS.
I was just like oh sorry I'm peeling meanwhile my legs are on either side of his head and I look like a fucking Komodo dragon
I seriously just drove by a man walking down the street wearing hospital scrubs, an 80s track jacket, gold necklace and carrying a flute.
I found them. Thank God. Now I'm gonna have to take a Xanax for the panic attack I almost had trying to find my Xanax.
My dad just told me I can't passout in the driveway after the 4th of July parade this year, again
But in today's society it's frowned upon not to wear pants in public.
My ladyscape is the envy of many and the shangrila of few. I will display it proudly.
JUST DENIED A NEW YEARS KISS BECAUSE HE WAS A COWBOYS FAN.
Im going to the gym...covered in the Brazilians cum
And how is that different than any other weeknight in your world
Did that sound smart? Cuz beneath the boozy exterior beats the heart of a fucking scientist.
I'M NOT EVEN STOPPING FOR WINE SO I CAN GET TO THAT DICK QUICKER.
Congratulations on giving me my first and second hickeys last night. I made it almost 30 years without one, but who needs class these days?
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