**** and his GF asked me to give his stuff back, and they would give me a 100. HA, they dont know I have it to charity haha
There is a man walking 2 goats through the city.
Bonus: only one of them was on a leash.
my penis says it needs to be in something. my phonebook says its you
Riding home in a carseat. Worst. Night. Ever.
He was supposed to take me to a nice dinner, but istead all he did was get drunk and throw lit fireworks at me.
I am planning my day around naps and lesbians.
My relaxing drive may end up as a surprise bootycall in Pittsburgh. Don't try to stop me.
The gay viking and his eqyptian 'queen' hooked up on our couches. They pushed them together to make a bed. Innovative, but awkward to come home from work to at 7 am.
It looks like sephora exploded on his dick, so i assumed I was the second girl that gave him head that night.
OH MY GOD I JUST WANT TO GO HOME AND FART ALL NIGHT.
I just bought emergency deodorant at Dominick's and put it on in front of a homeless man while waiting for the bus. He laughed and said 'girl, you a mess'. This is my life.
Haha do not judge my life style choices right now but me and Dj had sex twice and then he helped me pick an outfit out for my date
I just group texted a dick pic. Wonder who'll respond back first. Ashley Stacey or my stepmom
....I just did my boss
I love you. And I will hold your hand as we skip on the road to hell.
He was talking about his friends deceased ferret and I still managed to orgasm.
Now THAT is dedication!
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