I have had sex with more partners than how old he is.
Mind blown. Apparently, it's PRErogative, not PERogative. I blame Bobby Brown.
These 5 days benders will be the death of me. Just living and breathing is a struggle right now.
had to go back to that apartment this morning to get my other boot. it was tacked to the wall
Circumcision scars are like fingerprints. I think I'm on to something man.
Would it be considered cannibalistic if I wanted to eat off his bacon tattoo?
The band last night was really good
That was definitely karaoke. Guess that answers my follow up question on how drunk you were.
some kid lit a j in the bar tonight. i was in awe of both his boldness and the severe beatdown he received moments later
A fair warning: I don't think a cop will let you off the hook just because your birthday is on New Year's Eve
I AHVE A WINE BUCKETTTTTTT
Well I didn't know she was a dominatrix...so I kind of just went with it
I ate so much cake that I can't even enjoy a blowjob
That's the most first world problem I've ever heard in my life.
Just because I'm sleeping with him doesn't mean I'm in love with him, it means that I want to have sex with someone who isn't a serial killer.
he's spending the night tonight. if i can walk straight tomorrow i'll be pissed.
I would offer you moral support, but I have questionable morals..
Randomize
