remember when you told me, jokingly, to not get jizz on your shirt that i borrowed last night?
i wish you could fill a pinata with booze
just so you know, your brother isn't driving home wasted tonight. he is, instead, in my dorm shower screaming about rubbing his butt with my loofah; thought you would be proud
So the waitress at the Chinese Buffet totally just said "Adios" to a Hispanic couple. There's something you don't see every day.
We were busted for public indecency in the back of my car in the parking lot. This time we were just reading my Cosmo magazine.
If I send you a picture of the guy passed out in the bath tub, will u be able to identify him?
I always give him head in random places, it's a guessing game for his cock.
He licked the chalk off his shirt, then spat the Mountain Dew from his mouth onto the shirt and sucked on it. And thats him sober.
If you're wondering where your left shoe is you lost it in a bet with a homeless guy last night
I want to own their dicks and all the attachments
Haha I haven't even had my interview yet and I'm already trying to fuck my way to the top. 'Merica.
I think I might be harboring a Canadian in my womb.
Of course I'll be there. I never miss an opportunity to smell like cigarettes, cheap beer, and shame.
Just had sex in the room next to my parents. Heading back to school ASAP.
You need to go! It’s a midwestern wedding - the single girls out there think life ends at 25 if they don’t have a picket fence and family. That’s when your penis introduces himself
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