I just saw a guy masturbating vigorously at the bus stop across from del taco at 2:30am...im pretty sure he wasn't even homeless
Jesus knows you're telling a lie.
Jesus stopped reading my text messages when I started drunk texting boys to hookup
WHY DOES GOD HATE MY DICK
so for future reference,at what point did you feel like a line had been crossed?
dad just smoked me out. he's yelling at room service for not giving him cookies and milk with his towels...we're both too high to know if thats a legit complaint.
I think the fact that my first kiss is now in a porno says a lot about why my life is the way it is
He's high as balls tripping balls and doing a reenactment of the scene where Buzz jumps off the balcony and can't fly to his soundtrack of Toy Story.
My dating life has become some fucked up hydra of dicks; you cut one off and two pop up in its place.
I feel like vibrating beds are just synonymous with venereal diseases.
Blacking out is all I've done this year and we're only 3 days in. Checkmate bitch.
Is her dick bigger than yours?
I would fuck him just for his dog
Bleach your asshole, I'm on my way.
Who is this?!?!
I call bullshit
Call it what ever you want I just need to figure out how to get permanent marker off my cock
Even in drag you're still better looking than your sister.
Randomize
