My favorite part was when he stopped, looked up in the middle of performing oral sex and asked, "you did know it was Arbor Day, right?"
i would bitch about being this hungover, but honestly im just happy to be alive after this weekend
u know how some weekends you just wanna go out and ruin a relationship? this is one of those weekends
the kid throwing up and laying face down on the deck just asked ME if I'M okay...
Just so you know, if you are not feeling well today it's cause you drank a gatorade bottle full of highlighter fluid.
Ughhh I can't remember the last time "time fell back or springed forward" and I wasn't at the bar to argue about it :(
i swear to god if you did anything to my honey bunches ill remove all the oats and shove them up your dickhole then play pinata with my foot to knock them all back out
So my quick shower turned into a "lay in the shower and let the hot water reign over you because you are too hungover to wash your hair" shower. I'll be there closer to 1:30!
Walking towards a police car with full spotlights on you while being fully erect..awkward exp. for both parties
So how does one go about leaving their family vacation to hang out with someone they met on tinder
the fact that I always have. bottle of tequila in my purse is not helping my current sitch
I told the cop I was late for a booty call. He still gave me a ticket but he wrote his number on it
Well, I have no idea where my underwear is, so yea I would say it was a good weekend.
Lately I've been very attracted to Kevin Jonas because he's like...less hot than Joe, but he's this healthy mix of both Joe and Nick. It looks like he's finally growing into himself.
Like sorry your dick won’t suck itself?
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