She looked like cheddar but tasted like limburger...
He's married, but his wife isn't my neighbor so I don't feel bad about coveting him.
note to self..putting cheap vodka in a bottle of grey goose does not make it taste better
Woke up and went out for a cigarette and it was dead quiet. It was like the world just knew how many mistakes were made last night.
did you know that snuggie is the perfect anti-freak out aid for stoners? it weighs you down so you can't go anywhere. just sit there and enjoy the movie, that's right.
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
Dude so coolest charity idea ever, think aids walk but instead of miles you drink beers oh the possibilities
Just talked a homeless guy out of suicide. Was rewarded with a garbage bag full of mountain dew bottles and zannies. Im such a good person
He's just so adorable. And I don't want to fuck someone who's adorable.
Dude, he's legal now. You could not pry me from his dick with the jaws of life.
Please write a memoir and name it "Game Boy and Dick Stuff"
Trying to Jedi mind trick myself into not throwing up. This is not the esophagus you are looking for.
It's been two whole weeks and I haven't missed a single class. I deserve 69 blunts.
Hey, sorry for threatening to teabag your mom to death last night
As your friend, who loves and cares for you, I have to be honest. I am judging you so VERY hard right now. Sorry.
Randomize
