Apparently every Tri-Delt knows what I did and I am blacklisted from ever dating anyone in that house.
Well ya you lied, told her you cared, took her virginity and then broke up with her at Christies Toy Box.
I honestly thought the dildo was a nice parting gift.
Just called my mom. She definitely saw all those fb statuses so thanks for that.
Haha did she know what fisting meant?
Yeah. Which is upsetting in itself
what the fuck a piece of candy corn just came out of her nose
I don't even know why im sitting in this office eating a poptart.
All I saw was a purple blob and poking out from under was part of a green shirt. Took me a minute to realize it was him under that beast.Thought I should ask if he was actually breathing and conscience but then I saw him slowly exploring what few brave men have done before.
You just kept screaming "PLEASE YELL CORNDOG AT HIM. PLEASE. CORNDOG."
You were just so carefree! People were like, "there's broken glass everywhere" and you were just like, IDGAFFFFFFF
I just smoked a joint and ate a sandwich while watching someone get arrested. Bonnaroo is a silly place.
Stop confusing me with every girl you know that doesn't like sex.
If you come home to me in lingerie and you start vacuuming...I need to reevaluate my priorities
What did we do last night and why in the fuck were there carrots in my pocket?
You gotta come over now. He is eating cupcakes while they are still in the foil.
After dropping your phone on the ground you got down and sat with it, kissed it and apologized for being so mean
ill drive you to the airport today if we can have sex first
i left yesterday
ill pick you up from the airport on sunday if we can have sex after
you need to drop off my dinner before you go see him because i'm not gonna wait until you're finished fucking him to get my damn chinese food
Randomize
