don't worry. When rigor sets in, we'll make sure to get you laid one last time.
I tried to tell him it was only 2:00, but he said since it was 5:00 in New York, it was perfectly acceptable. He then put on a Blues Brothers hat and a pair of wayfarers and left. I expect him home in a few hours with a police escort.
Is it socially acceptable to order two burrito bowls?
anything's socially acceptable if you do it with enough confidence
At beerfest, hammered, going to try to not get naked in public but i cant make any promises
This bitch flirting at the bar needs to close her legs and open up a book. I can literally feel my IQ dropping every time she bends down to show her tits.
Jealous?
Very.
She saves ONE person's life while blacked out and now she's positive anything can be done "while fucking hammered"
Well I'm drunk and covered in baby oil so tonights not ideal
Just threw up in front of the Boy Scouts on my base. Welcome to the Navy kids.
Dude walks in wearing jean shorts and a graphic tshirt and goes home with an attractive female. EXPLAIN YOURSELF UNIVERSE.
When I said to give it to me hard and fast, I didn't mean like 15 seconds fast.
You lit a fire in my vagina no man can extinguish.
Somehow she is more off limits now than when she was his girlfriend
Split a bottle of Johnny Walker and then decided to eat a shit ton of peanut butter. That was a rough bed to wake up in
Oh good, bag of butt plugs is in my predictive text now
Typing the whole thing out was getting to be such a chore
You yell at me for being attracted to older guys and you're over here condoning murder
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