I'm totally gay for Miss Californiaaaaaa
oh sweet, sweet irony
Is it proper Ass-Fingering-Etiquette to tell her u felt her poop or just pretend it didn't happen?
She does have a great personality.
Yeah, in her vagina.
The cab driver referred to me as his little gumdrop, im sure he won't feel the same when he sees the vomit all over his floor.
His penis is literally smaller than my cell phone. I can't go out like that.
What's standard gratutity for someone having a miscarriage on stage at a strip club? It's important.
I'm not sure whom I'm texting but I put you in my phone as last nights fuck budy, and I'm just curious if I left my clutch with you?
I'm calling in my "fuck at anytime anywhere" card. Meet me at my place in 20 min, wear your Waldo costume.
Any chance the bar is open now? Also who's wedding is this?
There's just something so liberating about drinking a beer with no pants on
I am all the way hung over and want nothing more in this world than a McMuffin. Happy day after Thanksgiving.
I'm not sure why he thinks weird that I masturbate AND look at pinterest at the same time.
Let's get drunk and take out your tonsils tonight
we were waffle house and a lady told me her imaginary friend was sitting in the chair next to her. i don't feel so trashy now.
I just realized u compared me to a coconut
Randomize
