i think i've said "don't judge me" 10+ times tonight... is that a bad thing?
yes
... don't judge me
You tried to convince our cab driver that your $2 bill was worth $11.70
I just fell off my chair and knocked over the table. People are staring. That hungover.
Just checked my recent transactions online. Between the hours of 1 and 3am on September 30th, I went to 7/11 4 times. Unacceptable.
She kept chasing him yelling thief, because he drank some of her drink. That was at 8, it got worse.
dude. this chick is staring at me like i gave her brother herpes.
There's a dead squirrel in the freezer. Is that what you stopped to get out of the road last night?
Walked up in time to hear him say "you saw I was in a relationship on facebook? So why are you holding my nuts?" To her. That's loyalty man
We finally have the house to ourselves and your out playing Lance Fucking Armstrong
Had sex with him again...yikes. and the whole time he kept saying "i wish we could do this forever." Forever lasted about 45 seconds
Dude I introduced the hot Russian girl to the hot Ukrainian girls. I am a UN ambassador
Whats proper etiquette for apologizing to your wife for being so drunk you stood up and pissed on the bedroom floor next to the bed?
I just watched my ex butt chug a quart of eggnog. Why did I dump her again?
We broke up. My life is now 7 inches less.
Dude I just woke up with a dog sleeping on me.
I thought you didnt have a dog??
Exactly.
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