i used the pictures of vaginas in your biology book to jack off.
just got my girl scout cookies. wanna get high?
or how I got to mom's but there is vomit on my shoes. I never thought i'd be recapping with her.
I told him i wanted to be exclusively cheating with him
A client gave me a bottle of vodka today. And he was hot with a beard. It's like he knows my soul.
I'm convinced my penis is the only thing holding this relationship together.
We're you guys there last night when everyone started chanting "Nacho Steph"? Someone picked me up, carried me to the nacho cheese and made me do a nacho cheese stand.
I don't know, but I assume drunk me had her reasons. I trust her judgement.
He kept asking for nudes so I sent him a picture another guys dick. He called me ruthless.
at any given day I am at least 60% invested in my work. today I am staggered around 3.5%
Why'd you print out every dick pic you've ever received and tape them to the bathroom walls?
I just made my mom buy me lube. I've reached a new level of broke.
someone commented on last weekends photos impressed that so many homeless people wanted to take pictures with us. weird that those "homeless people" are our friends... right?
Would an open wound count as good sex or bad sex?
The gate guard just said to me, "I almost didn't recognize you in uniform. Welcome back." I think I need to lay off the booze.
Randomize
