Just woke up wearing a top hat and simpsons boxers. i also found more money in my wallet then what i had before going out, about $1000 more
i just want his dick, seriously i'm about to take trifiling lessons. we'll call my alter-ego blair and she will screw his brains out, girlfriend or not.
my Prof for my bio lab has his lab coat collar popped. it's 8 am and im too hungover for this guy
There were gay boys and a jukebox. It was like god wanted me to.
Of course he did. He is like the oprah winfrey for vaginas. Always giving that shit away.
I come back home for break and my room is full of weed either my parents really love me or they are having more fun then I am in college
he fed me chocolate as I gave him a handjob. I felt like a princess.
Come over so we can have two person sex in this one person tent
The Universe is CLEARLY playing a bad joke on your sex life
He handed me a temporary tattoo and said cover the hickey up with this
So when I walked out, everyone was chanting ONE OF US, someone draped a lei over my head, and then she grabbed my ass and dragged me back into the bedroom. I'd say it was a pretty good night to lose my virginity.
I also told the pizza delivery guy that he smelled good. I must be ovulating.
OH GOOD GOD THE BUFFALO WING SAUCE IS BURNING MY FUCKING CUNT. WHY THE FUCK DID I AGREE TO SPICY AND NOT MILD
Had sex on the beach last night with a drug dealer. win-win-win situation
I had to take on your role as drunk idiot....I have no idea how you do it so well and so regularly. That shit is exhausting.
Randomize
