just saw someone puke all over a michigan fan. he didn't even flinch.
i'm glad we've gotten to the point in our relationship where I can eat peach rings off your penis.
First I must say that I am disappointed to learn that you knowingly have trashy friends with whom you've not hooked me up.
they're both probably 7 inches? or 8? I'm shoving a ruler in my mouth trying to figure it out
If I drank a glass of water for every drink I had I'd die of water intoxication like some tweaked out looser at a rave
Hey mom, soo do we have a family lawyer or am I on my own for that?
Figured out why that fly won't leave. It keeps buzzing through my weed smoke
Fly high, Fly.
I shaved my pussy for you. If you complain about a single hair that I missed again, you will be greeted by a bush the next time you go down on me and i will MAKE YOU KEEP GOING
When you wake up with a bow tie and mustache drawn on your penis, you know you had a good night.
I'm glad you found someone that both loves you and is cool doing coke off your tits. Proud of you.
She's so high she just screamed into the pile of takeout boxes "which one of you gave me diarrhea"
The Lion King Is on YouTube
Until 2 minutes ago I actually had a chance to pass my midterms... thanks alot
I need to start journaling my drunk thoughts. Drunk me is fucking brilliant & sober me is missing out.
My life is far to together for someone who's such a hot mess inside
i just realized i have only had sex on couches so far this year. i can't decide if that's impressive or trashy
Randomize
