kyle and i were puking, simultaneously, off the front porch at 4 am, and in the middle of it he looks up, reaches his hand over, and says "knucks." And then I proceeded to fist bump him. By farrr the best time I've ever had puking.
You tired to make Beefaroni in the Mr. Coffee machine.
I'm having sex on a snuggie, yes i stopped to text you
Some asshole just brought BK into my summer class, im already high as hell, i did not need another way to not pay attention
It was a rude awakening when I turned on my phone and the first thing I saw was a picture of David's dick with a face on it, I need to stop drinking in his basement...
God forbid we drive unregistered mopeds without license plates on a pedestrians only sidewalk without goggles while flipping off passing cars.
I legitimately thought I was gonna die getting finger banged to ja rule in the back of your car last night.
Now that we have successfully procreated, I need to know we are on the same page. Please tell me you are aware that there are whole seasons of our lives that our child can NEVER be made privy to.
We should probably write this down. That's a shit load of shit.
It is super hard to find a good vegan dominatrix! THAT'S why I'm single
Sometimes I get confused on who I really actually know and who's lives I just know everything about via internet. Its a fine line
I'm keeping him.
Sex was good?
I had to tap out three times. There aren't words for how much better than "good" that is.
My boss spotted an injured PIGEON outside the front door this morning (at 3:30am) and requested that I catch it and take it to the vet. Catch it with what! Take it where!These requests have gone too far...
One of my nipples looks nothing like the other...i don't know how this happened
Lunch date was a success. And you'll be proud- my legs stayed closed.
I’m not saying you’re wrong, I’m just saying he’s denying what you’re saying.
Randomize
