thanks...oh and i got my period
told you
oh hush
How do you jack off and text at the same time?
On my iPhone they have an app for that
AIM automatically accepts video chats on my laptop. I found this out when I got a text from Jacob after my first attempt at drunk lesbian sex saying, "I'd give it a 7. You need to work on your positioning." I think I'm single now.
Why do I always have sex on the first date when I know it demotes me to booty call girl?
So I'm up to masturbating three times a day, drunk textin my ex, not doing any hw and I've failed half of my tests so far
Sounds better than last semester
No I'm not coming over. That Bob Ross drinking game is too intense.
Just because you put plan b in my Easter basket doesn't give you an excuse not to wear a condom.
and I'm sitting five inches from the tv scrunched up in a ball watching doug. It's like I'm five again...except I'm more stoned than the dude who created this show
Some guy dressed like Santa just handed me a bottle of tequila. I NEVER WANT TO LEAVE CANCUN
Got paid to make out with a girl. It takes skill to be this drunk and still make money
And they have kittens that decided that boobs are apparently the best arena for king of the hill...
The security deposit's gone, let's trash this motherfucker
some dude just accurately guessed my height and bra size.. that is cup AND inches around. creepy, yet impressive
You have more time for sex than anyone I know.
He made me pay for half of dinner. Fucking feminist revolution.
Randomize
