Sarah Palin just got hired for Fox News. Watch out Jersey Shore... there's a new drinking game in town
My facebook horoscope today said I will have a little "confusion". Obviously astrology understands a blackout.
It's never too late to be topless.
Oh and I ate all of your Cinnamon Toast Crunch. Consider it part of your reparation payment for accidental anal insertion. I may continue to collect payments until I am no longer sore.
I had to explain the gravity bong to my mom. Right after she pointed out I have a lot of dicks on my floor at any given moment.
are you still mad that doritos made their way into my sex life
.....a litte
Haha at least the one I have like that you can't tell we are completely drunk and you're about to kick a glass out of my hand in a fit of joy over pizza.
Sitting in my car feasting on the spoils of Taco Bell as Donna Lewis croons "I love you, always forever." A more perfect moment will never exist.
Hahaha perfect. Let's start stopping drinking tomorrow
I'm bringing home frosties. I need to talk about butt stuff.
Every time I download Tinder again, I hate myself a little more.
He was simultaneously rubbing my shoulders and fucking me. I'm keeping him.
My fuck buddy just proposed... Correct me if I'm wrong, but doesn't that completely defeat the purpose of FRIENDS with benefits?
Now you can be friends with Insurance Benefits.
All I remember is talking the cops into calling us a cab instead of giving us PIs while trying to wake up your passed-out-on-a-bench ass.
Have you ever realized how weird it is to think that you've fucked someone and don't know what their handwriting looks like?
Randomize
