i thought he was 22...he said he was 25..he was 19...im 26..it doesnt count if you dont know right?
According to my dad, my tongue ring makes people assume I give a lot of blow jobs because, as stated by him "that's what it's for"
sent the pic of my tit to the wrong bbm chatroom
we cant have a funnel and a dog. thats a lot of responsibility
my life has come down to walking through campus and wondering if every guy is the random i made out with saturday
If you bring chipotle to my house i'll let you eat your burrito out of my vagina
I been sleeping but occasionally wake up feeling like tiny elves are in my throat ripping my esophagus to shreds with their bare hands.
Somehow, you made that sound extremely magical and not at all painful.
You told me you would ride a pig into the night sky screaming, "I wear my sunglasses at night"
Your shoe was in the washing machine. I have it in my pocket. My phone rang before and I answered your shoe. Meet me at the bar in 10.
I just called my boyfriend "Dad"... Awkward
If I had feelings, you would have hurt them.
After I asked for my 6th Gin & Tonic, the look on the flight attendant's face started to make me feel bad about myself.
Was I trying to make a threesome happen again?!
Yep
I need to stop doing that, Im gonna get punched in the face
He said he loved me more than Kel loves orange soda
the result of growing up in the '90's
She was cute in her own little way. Shit, free taco's makes anyone hot.
Randomize
