There was a point where some of my friends attempted 'moi's', which stands for makeout on introduction.
It involved going up to women and very aggressively trying to make out with them upon meeting them
Surprisingly the success rate was exceedingly high
It just feels so wrong throwing away the condoms into her Hello Kitty trashcan
if I could go back to kindergarten and not fuck up my life, I so would.
I'm so covered in bruises. God dammit drunk me. We are a lady.
I have too much pride to pick his chest hair out of my mouth again
After a certain point, you just want to make it work. Prove to yourself that you're smarter than the vibrator.
We were walking home from Pluckers (read carrying your drunk ass) and out of nowhere you yelled "Say bitch you got a Facebook?" at a random chick walking by.
Great. I will show up in your office wearing only oven mitts later today.
I think I'm getting sponsored by the Mexican Drug Cartel for the start of my poker career. It was an interesting night at the bar. One word, Vegas.
I have to estimate how long it takes them to get to the bedroom so that I can sneak out of my room and get snacks. If she's anything like me, they're in bed the second he gets here and I can get snacks now
well that's what you get for sleeping with a guy called 'the defiler'
I wonder if go pro can customize a cock ring so I don't have to hold the camera anymore
The CEO is puking on the sidewalk and the HR director just offered me coke. Engineers have the best parties
I like to be the stable force in your otherwise chaotic existence.
He chose me to be his birthday sex..theres a lot of pressure riding on this bang
Randomize
