so i replaced his speed with my ped egg shaveings
dont u have athletes foot?
ugh. my soul tastes like vodka
So my game is weak??
If your game is "Lets have sex, and maybe pizza" then yes.
I have a ginormous moral hangover. Strip club blues.
Dude that musta been some handjob last night. The sound of her pandora bracelet kept waking me up
Someone just told me I could double date with them and their dog as my date. This is why the suicide rates are so high at the holidays.
Frats are adorable. They make mediocre guys think they're worth a shit.
...the American dream.
I mean you guys are my friends and all but if you fuck with me I will not hesitate to set you on fire
Just puke n rally. People can't judge, it's syllabus week.
I'm actually not sure I need to run today, between the crazy monkey sex and breaking into my own house.
I can't imagine anything that has a removal ass flap as being sexy
They were so huge my eyes were just drawn to them. Boob gravity man.
I just had to explain to a 5 year old why I had fuzzy handcuffs hidden in a macaroni box under my bed.
Cocaine is ok on a cleanse, right?
Mandatory face masks - finally, a solution for lip augmentation failures and bad breath.
Randomize
