youre so sexy i want your bod
dude, did you turn gay?
heather?
this is jacob
just because you are in college doesnt mean its okay to pregame easter mass.
He's prob getting laid right now and I'm sitting alone in my duct tape shoes.
i want to find a way to basically assault his face with my vagina.
You showed up at my apartment after 3 am wasted with a plate of cookies and tried to hook up.
Sorry about that. Except for the cookies.
No idea how he made them, but vodka water balloons were a horrible idea.
Annabeth just got on the bar and slurred something about how she was worried that when she started dating you your penis wouldnt fit. You are one lucky bastard my friend.
I thought 4 percs were too many but I'm dumping Gogurt on apple pie and taking giant bong rips. This feels right.
Believe it or not, that's part of the whole 'best friend' thing. It's not just yelling at me for making you leave the club early or taking the couch bc I'm doing sex while you're doing bjs.
I just want you to know that I am dancing around my apartment by myself singing Taylor Swift into a wine bottle. Do hurry.
I understand that just don't try to seduce me while making frozen pizza again.
My morning started with my mom giving me the number for a substance abuse councellor. How's your day going?
Well you were listening to music and having sex really loudly. How was I supposed to know you'd hear me making rocket sounds?
what do you mean he's functionally heterosexual
I put him in the supply closet, used the copy paper to build a fort around him and his wheelchair, then he fucked me in the fort.
Randomize
