Squirrels and blue jays and dove-like things. They're just frolicking around in my backyard. I wanna be like them.
They are making fun of natty and blackberries.
Tell them they are ugly.
I woke him up this morning and said I have a meeting w my advisor in an hour you need to wake up, cum on my face, and take me to my car.
I would like to apologize for my MANY attempts of trying to motor boat you.
We fucked to techno music while he wore shin guards... best sex ever.
Holy shit he's circumcised. His parents must have really loved him.
I'm making a quesadilla and including it in the picture because that's the only way I think I can send her dick pics.
I told you alcohol was flammable, but you didn't believe me until you tried to extinguish your sparkler by submerging it in vodka and the bottle burst into flames.
My dad just asked if I could bring snacks to jail this weekend. Like what does he think this is, some type of adult play date?
My left boob kept making random appearances last night.
I've never SEEN someone give negative fucks before. It's actually rather impressive. I want to study under them.
I am naked, and drinking straight gin with a flat tonic chaser. I had such greater hopes for myself as a child.
yea...tonic water is fucking gross.
You barfed off the front porch while the elderly neighbors were walking their dog. We had to convince them not to call 911.
Pics or it didn't happen.
Also either i just launched into space as a rocket or my legs just orgasmed, but i am high as a soul train
He told me that I should keep my socks on next time because he read somewhere that it'll help me orgasm...
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