I least I know I can't get pregnant because it's on my hair
He just screamed at her, "if you pass out i am still having sex with you!!!" In front of the entire party.
I'm naming my child veloci raptor. And you can be a part of its life if you want. But that's its name. Cause i have the vagina.
just took my exes job. there should be an award for how many times I've managed to fuck that girl's life
do herpes really smell.
Don't remember shit. It was only until I saw the glaze on my forearm that I knew you drove to get donuts last night. I also spent 20$ there apparently
I've fucked 6 of my brothers' friends. I'm completely fine with him fucking the girl we ate lunch with.
We mailed him an 18 inch double headed dildo for his birthday. The Fedex guys certainly got a laugh out of it.
You were chugging tap water out of a running blender screaming "bubbles is Perrier mother fucker"
There was a time I was reining queen of Sunday funday... And at that same time I also weighed 20 pounds more, had the morale of a spearmint rhino stripper, and woke up most mornings asking more questions than fucking Barbara Walters. I think I just wrote my own epitaph.
My night ended with a French cab driver offering me his sperm free of cost.
Let's play another riveting game of "Whose boxers are hanging on my fence?"
I dunno what's worse, that one guy here said he'd blow somebody for Tim Horton's right now, or that someone else looks like they want to test his sincerity.
Come get me, I'm fucking scared.
dude kate found out i cheated and busted in while i was taking a shit. I was cornered, nothing i could do
so drinking tonight?
Be there in 15
There's a pregnant girl taking shots of apple juice
Randomize
