I just saw Sharon Stone's cootch in high def. I think I'll stay gay.
please come you make the beer taste better
i havent thrown up in four monthes, im clearly not drinking enough
The streak lives on, still havent been to Towson without throwing up
he's dressed up as pikachu 3 fucking years in a row and gotten laid each time. i don't understand
Just spiked the bong with a ludens cough drop with hopes it soothes my throat after i rip it.
Dude I really need to stop drinking. I chugged a whole bottle of ketchup last night.
I vaguely remember stopping for a bag of bugles and some lube and then I woke up this morning with melted chocolate on my hands. I think I love him
She who has the vag holds all the power. He will learn one way or the other.
I asked him if we could hang out sometime when we weren't hammered. He said he'd email me his number... that's when I knew I was going to die alone
She said pants are for pussies while spooning peanut butter onto her frosted flakes with a serving spoon. She's not even high yet.
I was on etsy and I'm like those boobs look way too familiar
He's not very smart so he didn't know I was yelling at him with monologues from Scandal.
I'm literally trapped as the little spoon on a mattress on the floor of an unfinished basement with a professional athlete snoring in my hair
Oh? And how would you explain this to your kids?
"Well pumpkin, when mommies and daddies have loved each other so much for a really long time, sometimes they trade off with other mommies and daddies"
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