Did your girl go home? Did she have fun? Can we have our friend back?
I don't even remember his name...i'm just gonna save it as birthday sex
dont seek real advice from me tonight cause its always gonna end with we should have sex
Taking my final with a coffee mug full of keystone... best semester ever.
someone wrote "the short drunk lives here" on our door. i already have a reputation
i got us a cheese tray and a bottle of whiskey
ugh yes i love our date nights
I just peed in a flower pot on the veranda while crying and holding a drink
Putting all my energy Into finding a polite way to ask my mailman to fuck me in his car.
We finally have the house to ourselves and your out playing Lance Fucking Armstrong
its ok, the prom king gave me his crown to puke in
Making drunken Mac n cheese at 3 am I understand why witches constantly stir their cauldrons. Much more homogenized temperature and slim chance of boiling over. Good job witches.
You were definitely drunk. You gave him an otphj in front of everyone.
Speaking of, what are you doing next weekend? I'm going to a rope bondage seminar and may need a partner if my date bails.
Well the hawks lost... so, of course, the only logical course of action was a bonfire in the middle of the street.
she prefaced telling me she was pregnant with "houston, we have a problem"
Randomize
