also referred to as T.P.S. (Toddler Penis Syndrome)
he texted me telling him i gave him the clap. but i think he gave it to me and i gave it back to him
When the phrase "Wow your huge" came out of her mouth I knew it was gonna be a good night.
Wish I didn't live with 3 girls so I could beat off in peace.
throwing up turkey will be a nice break from throwing up ramen
My patience ran out after you started clapping at the strippers everytime they took off a piece of clothing.
In hindsight, the torn ligament in my knee is probably the fault of the ginbucket and jager bombs starting at 3pm. I guess I'll stop blaming it on you.
I just burped jalapeños and cum. That was the most disgusting thing ever.
I just finished packing for spring break, took me 4 minutes. To be fair though I only put my trunks, a pair of underwear, and 50 condoms in my bag.
i went to the 24h massage place last night and brought down the price for a hand job from $50 to $12.75 and half the big mac left in my bag.
I asked her if she could eat some Doritos so when we made out it would taste awesome
You're never the same once you're dry humped on the frat house floor
Masturbating to the DNC live stream. Not my proudest moment
we found her. shes in the bathtub full of raw pasta. i dont even know...
Had to claim I'd "gone lesbian" to get my cat back. Thank God I got away from that one.
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