i just traded a sweatshirt for margaritas... why did they ever stop using the barter system??!!
you ever get that eerie feeling when you walk in a room, when you know youve barfed here before.
your youtube search consisted of "food slideshow" and "the angry beavers"
at least he left the skimmer on the side of the pool so i could fish out my thong in the morning
he grabbed my head and said "you are a horse. I am leading you to water" pushed it down and whispered "Drink."
There was blood everywhere. She was pretty good looking person though.
you cant just puke in an arbys and not order food. thatd be rude.
Come, dress lightly, bring tequila...
I fake pass out to avoid hookups sometimes. Last night I fake slept on my bathroom floor for like 2 hours before the guy left.
Note to self: the judgement that occurs when unrolling your last 5 which was used to snort drugs the night before, to pay for alcohol before noon on a Monday is worth just sucking it up and taking an overdraft fee.
Wait a min, you had drugs last night?!
I'm missing a sock, a boot, and antlers. We need to get on that.
you said "how could you not want to hook up with me when I have these abs" and then proceeded to rip your shirt off in the middle of the bar. I'm pretty sure you were hammered.
JESUS
I CAN FEEL MY HEART BEATING MY WHOLE BODY
I'm so hung over that I just tried to send you a screen shot of the cracked screen on my phone.
We gotta locate my vibrators and get them stashed away STAT
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