Tell her she's as useless as a condom.
She called it mighty mouse.. And from there it was down hill
So guess who had sex in a Ghostbusters sleeping bag.
Just met a female bro. Things are weird at the rugby party.
I just followed a trail of feathers and glitter to class. Today better be fucking magical.
Come down. You're the next contestant on this bowl.
Nypd just made jon and hayes chug their forties.
Why do guys insist on chatting me up this early in the morning? I'm just like "Dude, I look like the bastard child of Einstein and a troll doll. Let me eat my Hot Pocket in peace."
We had sex on a dog bed..
I am buying anal lube, an enema, and a bag of kit kats. What part of this is compelling the Walgreens woman to tell me to "be well".
So what if you don't want to be with your family. Go drink alone and watch Netflix like a normal person, don't be productive!
Sorry if that was awkward, i will never call you sober ever again
We're both fucking guys named Frank. Our friendship was meant to be.
I'm in the fetal position trying to figure out a way to get someone to deliver me pancakes.
Remember when we thought adulthood would be different than college?
It is different. We had hopes and dreams back then. Now we're just alcoholics.
Randomize
