goodnight i made you a song goodbye
hey boys, thanks for all the pictures of your dick you took with my camera last night...they were really nice to stumble upon while reliving my night in the breakroom today at work
Arguably, the best part was cockblocking those squirrels.
If it makes you feel any better, i gave her boyfriend a blowjob last week.
It's such a good feeling to send those "I'm not in jail" texts on Sunday morning
asked the cab driver where he learned Swahili last night.
Found the puke drawer
Well for starters the people who just made my burger at the grab and go just told me to "hang in there"
He came over hammered at four in the morning with roses trying to get me back when my new fling opened the door he just stood there crying for 40mins even after we closed the door
I was scared I had HIV after last time so I'm not gonna do it again
But he was really hot
Glad you don't have HIV
want to know what my life has come to? I just took a 45 min shower banging on the walls and making loud sex noises so my neighbors think I get some.
No it was fine, I've just never seen that many people eat dog food
I found a guy who will take me to the Olive Garden and he is CONVENTIONALLY ATTRACTIVE.
I forgot to lock the bathroom door. He walked in, saw me on the toliet, nodded, and walked back out.
I'm too depressed to masturbate. This election is the worst.
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