So she stayed over last night and slept walked in to my moms room where she used the bathroom and then proceeded to get in bed with my moms naked boyfriend. So yeah, at least now my family got to meet her.
Yea I just took my 1st pregnancy test. Turns out I am just fat. Also I haven't been with anyone in 3 months, which is clearly making me crazy.
Most awkward thing ever: Meeting your BattleShits opponent post war.
were with a gay guy with a minnesota accent. think about how funny that sounds.
She looks like Sash Grey but sounds like Fran Drescher. Advise.
I am watching the symphony and have decided that violin players probably give really good hand jobs.
are any of them hardcore sluts...just absolute worthless human beings? if not the paper wins
I just sent you a google doc listing all the reasons why I should stop hooking up with him. Feel free to add to it.
Putting all my energy Into finding a polite way to ask my mailman to fuck me in his car.
It's cuz all she eats is salt lick, human souls, and fast food
Got promoted and on my way out the door was informed that my beard makes my face perfect for riding. Today is gonna be a good day.
So the pizza place just called me after an hour saying they don't have dough
We played a 4 hour game of True American then we fucked on the floor for a couple hours Happy 20th to me
I think it's your fault my nipples aren't sensitive anymore.
I should never have to text my best friend asking if she eloped again last night.
Randomize
