Me too ba-by. I wanna bite your ear lobes they are so fat.
6:33 AM: I'm drunk at this time of morning.
i got kicked out of Barns and Nobles cuz i put all the bibles in the fiction section
It's like I'm the Little Bo Peep of sheparding dicks.
Only someone with your twisted mind could come up with that simile. Do you sit around and read 'How to turn Beloved Childrens Stories into Sexual Analogies?' This is the 3rd time you've done this.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
There is NOTHING better than watching a child being chased by an ostrich.
Should I mail that cop his nightstick or just throw it away?
If he thought that flying across an ocean to visit me in London constituted sex, he thought wrong.
You fell on your face and the waitress just brought you a fresh drink
I think the world is coming to an end. Earthquakes, huricanes, floods, and now you say you LOVE him. Im building a shelter and going into hiding.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My phone broke again .... im not really sure how im going 2 explain the teeth marks to the ppl at the Verizon store
I renamed his cat Jeff last night. Well I spray painted it on him.
Are you drunk? Because I am and if you're not, this may be very awkward in the morning
Thats for me to know and you to find out.
does 2pm fall under the wake n bake category?
Stop recording sex noises and setting them as my ringtones. This time it was at a funeral
He talked me out going to the bar. No one ever talks me out going to the bar..this is fucking love.
Randomize