you'd think with how big her nose is she'd have a better smelling pussy..
im watching shaqs comedy special. this is how i know im not sober.
I just woke up and checked my e-mail, and apparently while drunk I bought a blowtorch. Thought you'd want to know.
you knoww youre high when you are just as concerned as the contestants on ultimate cake off as they move their 250 lbs cake over the ramp
the pub in dfw airport has a countdown timer to st. pattys day, to the second, i like texas
I'd invite him but there's too many people who have fucked me going already
Don't get the hula weed. It makes you sleep walk in destructive and confusing ways. I'll explain on Saturday.
She told me to stuff her like a turkey. She actually yelled happy thanksgiving.
I'm on strict orders from her to keep sleeping with you until you give her a job next summer.
Yeah. I realized I have a weakness for drugs and I need to move somewhere where I don't know how to find them.
It's almost like a boob-text, but it's not. Because it was live. And you were showing a bunch of people.
He paid the bartender with money from the tip jar then proceeded to hit on me in front of my date. I love frat dances
trying to figure out what happened last night by looking around the apartment.
naked man under the piano. THE PLOT THICKENS.
Whats your number? 5 or more?
Cinco. It sounds smaller in Spanish.
Just saw a car towing a guy on skis drive by so that’s how Syracuse is doing today.
Randomize
