i have accomplished my summer goal of being able to relate to every taylor swift song
soooo.. i guess the cop said he'd drop the charges if i go to some AA meetings and i said fuck AA. not one of my better choices.
i woke up at 5 am and found myself wrapped in christmas lights that were plugged into the wall.
Guy having heart attack in McDonalds. Classic.
She devotes each year to either men or women. I waited all year for her to be straight, tonights the night.
Dangr zzzzzzzzone
if she didnt wantt to be febrezed, she shouldnt have smelled so desperate.
All she kept whispering was put your pickle in my mouth. Then she fell out of her barstool and chipped her tooth
i figured out i could get from the downstairs bar to the upstairs bar AND grab pizza by going through the kitchen. it was the greatest discovery of my life besides the flabongo.
HEAR YE, HEAR YE! BY ROYAL DECREE, I WILL BE KNOCKING ON YOUR DOOR AT 2PM UNLESS YOU GET THE FUCK UP. IT'S 1:50. CIGARETTE TIME, BITCH. I LOVE YOU.
How bad would it be if I asked him for my "ho ho ho" thong back? They're my fav christmas pair!
Do one night stands count towards my number?
Yes. A penis is a penis
Even bad ones?
YES.
There are regrets.. and there are RAGRETS
I just fuked with kevins application and made it say that he does conjugal visits for community service
hey some people donate their time while apparently kevin donates his body
anything below 65° is too cold to be naked on a roof
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