I'm so tired of dating women who lie about their age. You show up feeling like you need to follow them around with a dust pan and a broom.
sometime during the course of last night, i decided to get donuts for this morning. i'm a fucking genius when i smoke.
i wonder what megan fox's vagina feels like.
Heaven soaked bacon.
all I remember was being half naked drinking water on my hands and knees from her dogs water bowl.
Oh and then this old man who saw it happen goes "don't do that"
Hahaha what a helpful old man. Like you thought it was normal to be spilling gas everywhere.
haha you were so trashed that you deleted all of your christian music from itunes and kept saying"c-ya God, nice knowin ya"
I woke up on the stairs at of a Disneyland hotel. Yes, my night was amazing.
Quick question: how long can sperm live in a rug?
Where are you and who are these girls passed out on the floor?
and why are they spooning a flamingo?
they traded weed for a spot on our floor. be nice.
He did a 4 wheel burnout and yelled at the cops "Sorry! It's for a school project!". HOW does he think of this shit?
Maybe it was silver. I don't know. I was drunk sifting through my dogs vomit.
Some idiot from high school is in the hospital for bonging three beers up his ass
He should have died. Natural selection.
Guess who just got a Christian Beliefs class to seriously discuss the spiritual implications of dolphin rape?
I just googled "creative ways to tell someone you'll give them a blow job". I'm losing my touch.
We’ve discussed sex and dinner. Like chicken nuggets while doing it doggie and watching tv.
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