Solid performance last night. Wanna be fuck buddies?
he screamed my twitter name while we were having sex.
I'm gonna put my relationship status as "widowed" to see if it helps me get some poon.
I know. I just don't want anything else. I have no other desire. Just a ham sandwich.
I honestly don't know what to make of that.
A ham sandwich would be nice.
Someone wrote Kyle's bitch on me too. I dont even know who Kyle is.
did i mention he attempted to milk her in backseat?
Just rented the SCUBA equipment. Meet me at the pool to test the underwater beer bong idea.
Well as our DD it was my responsibility to get us home safely. If that meant strapping you down to the backseat using all 3 seatbelts then so be it.
By the power invested in me, I now pronounce your taco to be meaty. Meaty taco meaty taco meaty meaty meaty taco.
I didn't even have time to sit down and the nurse was like: ''You've been having unprotected sex.'' HOW DOES SHE KNOW?!?
I don't miss having sex with him. We had our finale fuck last week. He's all yours now.
So... Really random... You know we only exist cause Dad misspelled 'perseverance', right?
When did we go from stumbling drunk into an ER at 3am to dinner double dating?
I had to say goodbye to one of my fuck buddies last night. He's voting for Trump, we shouldn't be doing it anyways.
If he didn’t pick us up we would have been jerkwards eating sad pancakes at a Denny’s.
Randomize
