Call me Kermit cause I'm about to go piggin
i can't believe i haven't brushed my teeth. and i just kissed my grandma. I'm going to hell.
I wish i was in the wii world.
I just saw a man salute the budweiser truck on the highway. I want to follow him and shake his hand.
i cant get the smell of ass out of my nose
Just realized after we're done pre-gaming for St. Patricks Day, we have March Madness, the first day of spring, and Easter to pre-game for. March is a great month.
i just went to use the bathroom this morning and I couldn't because there was someone puking in every stall. i'm going to miss the dorms this summer
im drinking tequila tonight so will you babysit my bra?
You know what's soul crushing? Walking to subway and find out you were too drunk to put on shoes and being denied service.
Um. I literally have no words.
Had to go to the urgent for a physical and I gave them my fake. Nurse was a sport though
I have a fannypack full of condoms and acid. Let's get weird.
You wanted to go find him and we told you to sit down cause you kept stumbling. You yelled " I CAN STAND!! It's the walking part I can't figure out!"
Let's put it this way. Mom is bringing me a new shirt and I smell like lube.
I walked outside and found some random guy passed out on our front porch. We managed to acquire the 12 pack of lagers he had so it's all good.
My mom found me this morning passed out, face down on my dinning room floor
That must have been one awkward situation haha
Well I woke up in my bed.... I don't remember her finding me
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