would you ever date a girl who drove an 89 Chrysler LeBaron? - for the record it's a convertable
she said she missed her period, but is going to six flags... think im safe?
it was like one of those moments where the couple runs together and kisses and everyone in the airport claps. but instead of clapping an indian guy walked by and said 'ahhhright! get some!'
k so who do I think I'm kidding applying to culinary school? I just fucked up a microwaveable pizza
there's chicken and sequins in our bathroom sink. part of me almost wants to know what happened
I just dropped off shoes at Mike's hotel. The chick he hooked up with last night stole his phone and shoes.
I'm starting to blur the boundary between reasonable senioritis and self-destruction. Somewhat-openly hittin the flask in 11am class
Law school has no idea what kind of prospect they have coming in. I just convinced a cop not to take me to jail by asking him if he really felt like cleaning puke out of his car tonight.
Note to self, stop going out with self absorbed bisexuals
his ex girlfriend sent him a pic of her naked in the bathtub so I sent her a pic of me sucking his dick
He told me to leave him behind and bury him in his batman pajamas. So two lessons I guess, don't give Tom whiskey and don't touch his daddy issues with a twenty nine and a half foot pole.
I'm drinking vodka out of a water bottle at work. Am I really the best person to come to for life advice?
You know it was a good night when you wake up w/o a shirt in someone elses living room next to a pancake on a spoon in a bowl of spaghetti.
Some Romanian guy at work just told me "you come my house, we drink beer and you come make fuck with my sister"
If he's not there watching you go for it. It's been a while bro.
I now have scissors specifically made for cutting dicks off.
Randomize
