foreplay: 7 minutes. sex: 3 minutes. cuddling: 10 minutes. getting dressed: 5 minutes. commute: 5 minutes.
...She then said get into the spirit and started making firecracker noises while having sex
It took us hanging out like four times to kiss. Id like to fuck you before I'm 30
I am going to make your legs soar from cumming so much
Like they're going to fly away?
I'm basically a mama hen. I keep them warm and let them wonder around the house. not to mention, I keep eye on them just in case the falcons around the house try to snatch them away.
I don't even know what to say right now
You're the only person I know who can be puking into a trash can at 8 in the morning in Manhattan and get a date out of it....
What is it with the dog running away when we have epic hangovers
I mean, "boo" isn't the appropriate response to someone dying...
Then again I went over his house after not hanging out since kindergarten and tried to fuck him so maybe I'm partially to blame here
He could only go see Deadpool without his girl if he was black-out drunk... because spoilers. They're the perfect couple.
This guy needs to stop asking about my feet
Thus began an intricate shell game of nude cardigan photos
Some bitch is passed out in a pool of vomit. Fucking lightweight, it's only 8.30.
Oh, wait.. That's you.
You ripped his router out of the wall and screamed "I have defeated the matrix"
He sang the chorus to “Inside of you” by Russel Brand in Forgetting Sarah Marshall as he proceeded to not pull out...
Honestly? I wouldn’t even be mad, that probably took talent
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