census says that i am hotter than the girl you just left with...sad for you
I am sitting on my kitchen floor drunk with a bottle of jose cuervo, tryin to make cinnamon rolls and write a paper. I love college
I seriously fake cumming more than i poop.
Shots and making dong molds for my gf's friends. Typical Monday night activities.
So if you ever need to know a guy who knows a guy who knows a guy that can put a 24oz beer can up his ass... Hit me up...
we found you in the kitchen at five am trying to make a vodka omelette. you said you didn't want to live in a world where your two favourite things couldn't be together.
If there was a build-a-penis, I would build that penis.
I'd like to thank you for ensuring I didn't die. Id also like to show you the most impressive bruise you will perhaps ever see
I hooked up with a guy dressed up as morning wood. Needless to say he lived up to his costume.
The struggle bus has heated seats and stops at Dunkin on Friday mornings so I'll be okay.
The doctor said that if they accidentally damage my nerve endings I could permanently lose feeling in my lower jaw.. Honestly the first thing that came to mind was how that would affect my blowjob skills.
You were trust falling into bushes
Hope you are okay. You were running down the street with shopping cart at one point and yelling "bitches aint shit!"
I wanna suck that fisherman's dick.
my alarm on my phone broke at the bar sooo i had to sleep with someone so i'd wake up on time for work.
Randomize
