I wish I had my old roomstes number so I could send him pictures from lastnight... I had a blast banging his "true love" now that I think about it we're even don't worry about that gas bill you didn't pay. Ur girl worked it off!
is it considered a "problem" when you find a pickle slice in your bed in the morning or is it like a "super-awesome bonus"?
So my game is weak??
If your game is "Lets have sex, and maybe pizza" then yes.
Woke up this morning to my mom on the phone with my dad saying, "It's probably just your prostate." Reasons to move out. Go.
Woke up next to my bed in a pile of skittles, sleeping on a pair of sweatpants. I can't believe the girl didn't stick around..
You know you're fucked up when you throw your phone on the roof of the bar to show how good the Otter Box works.
I pulled my bra out of my dress and handed it to my mom..at cocktail hour during the wedding.
I feel like someone kicked me repeatedly in the ribs. I don't think sex is supposed to do that.
i accidentally sent all my draft messages..how do i do damage control for the multiple "fuck me now" type msgs sent at ten am?
And I just found out I called my debit card a fast food passport so I dont deserve to live
Our first order of business as new roommates was to test the sex acoustics of our rooms. I need a new box spring.
I didn't know what to say so I just sent him a chicken emoji
YOU HAVE PISSED AND FUCKED ON LITERALLY EVERYTHING IN MY HOUSE
Not everything, just a few things. And only a few times. The odds are really not all that bad when you break it down.
you’ve pissed every time you slept over. there’s no such thing as odds anymore. it’s guaranteed
He forehead kissed me AND THEN asked what I was thinking. I'm taking away his man card.
Ryan. I woke up. At the neighbors house. And by the neighbors. I mean the ones to the north. The ones that hate us. Please call me. I am so confused and you are gone
At the neighbors house?! Like in it or outside???
In it on the fucking couch. No idea how i got here.
Randomize
