The girl I was getting head from just called my dick an anteater...I hate my parents for not cutting my cock tip off.
No stitches, just platelets and will power
You kept excitedly announcing to the bar what time it was. Followed by an equally excited "Clock language still makes sense!"
I drunk wandered into my parents bed and slept between them
I'm full of awesome ideas
Yesss you are. Im full of confusion. I keep finding peanut butter on my legs...
yea i thought the egg drop soup tasted weirdly like cum, and then i suddenly remembered what happened last night.
i'm never eating chinese again.
wanna play who's drunker? I just made macaroni & cheese taco and offered it to the pizza Guy as a tip.
i put that paper plate back in your cabinet because i ate all the ketchup off and you can't even tell. you're welcome.
I was in my bathroom taking a shit and my mom just opened the door, walked in, handed me a fudgesicle, and left without saying a word. Yeah. That just happened.
True but, who really needs money in europe? Just barter with sexual favors. A bowl of cereal is worth a blowjob.
Yo, I can't just ask my mom where she relocated my vibrator to, can I?
I'm really sorry that I blew your friend in your bed, but to be fair he started it.
You can kiss the security deposit goodbye after you and your boyfriend did donuts on his moped in the middle of the apartment. It was impressive since you were both too drunk to walk.
Heard you were the one that shit off Jamie's balcony. FYI there is a cabbie down here out for blood
I'm on A4A looking at dick pics while the CEO is on the phone trying to convince me not to leave the company
Randomize
