Could guys at least pretend I require some amount of money to be spent before I randomly go down on them?
The frequency that you give me blue balls couldn't be healthy.
I now realize that they made gum to take the taste of dick out of your mouth.
It just gets louder and louder too...dear god. Her poor vagina.
you regret 100% of the tequila shots you do take. thats what gretzky meant to say
Nothing says "lifelong friendship" like FaceTiming in a sex shop.
I just had the stunning realization that I lost my virginity in a bunk bed.
it was good, but also weird. like, i came four times and then cried weird.
In light of this week's heat-wave, we are having a house vote tonight on the temporary suspension of the "no smoking indoors" clause. Please bring your voting cards to the living room at 6:30pm
Point of Clarification: by "voting card" we mean a full beer and/or shots
Will you bring a case of beer down to the hot tub? Me and Phil don't want to feel feelings anymore
I raged so hard that I was so hungover today I threw up out of a car window going 50mph cause my parents didn't pull over quick enough ...sorry to the people behind us
I just found out two girls I dated met each other, bonded over how much they hate me, started dating and are gonna get married soon.
I have a tab of a google image search of onion rings open and it is making me so happy.
Just please don't close your legs while I'm down there again. I don't want my death to be labeled as "Head crushed while giving an individual cunnilingus".
that is our friendship pylon, do not lose it
fuck you.
DO NOT LOSE IT
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