So I have exactly 420 dollars saved up in tips from the past week. I win, and I take that as a sign from god that I am allowed to use that money to buy drugs.
No one goes out in public like that, unless they do anal
I guess we had a small kitchen fire somehow when we decided to bake fruitroll ups and croutons...
I know its hard to believe that I'm already drunk at 12 p.m. but I am, so dont call me asking to go to the gym.
I just want uncharted vagina. Fresh and ripe.
I'm amazed your boyfriend is still with you, how do you manage to pee on him while he is holding you in his lap?
i know i said i'd always be there for you, but i'm beginning to think that what you call "being there for me" the american judicial system calls reckless endangerment.
I'll just be here. Naked. Eating tots and jello like a muh fuggin G
dude throwing a golf cart off a pier is harder than it seems!
Well, I watched a girl proposition a shit ton of people, try to take a cocktail waitresses job and then proceed to walk into a wall. Damn, I'm a little jealous.
do you think there's enough of the fabric you gave me to make a crop top for a cat?
What am I supposed to say? "Hey remember last spring when I did an ergonomic assessment on your office, well here's an ergo for your dick."
its liver damage thursday
Just went to jump into bed... Completely missed the bed.
only 3 drinks in and he showed me his fursuit, please come pick me up
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