I understand how i shit in my shoes, but explain why you were wearing them.
he was fingering me to the beat of a lady gaga song. new high? new low? i don know, but i came, so whatever.
He told me i was the nicest person he's ever arrested for DUI
yeah bitch needs to recognize there's only one person with this face
It was as if you forgot how to speak normally. All of your words came out either backwards or in song form
Good news: he out-ran the campus police. Bad news: they were chasing him toward the REAL police.
Sorry I can't go bowling with you guys. I'm getting daytime dick. That's the best kind.
You came on the chandelier from the first floor.. Of course were allowed back
I either have a razor blade lodged in my throat or I've been drinking entirely too much Evan Williams.
He put his name in my phone as David Hot Guy With Tattoos and I fell in love because that's what I was going to change his name to anyways
You know it was a weird night when you find curly fries in your purse the next morning...
I'm sure there are thousands getting dick today in the name of independence
Like how hard is it to come up to me with chocolate and wine and say "hey, you're beautiful. Wanna marathon Doctor Who in sweatpants?" Hell yes!
For now I'm a single mom monday-thursday and a drunk looking for dick the rest of the week
3 hour lecture of my biology teacher talking about isotopes and space shuttles. I'm way too high for this.
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