the vacuum is drunk
what?
i spilled my drink and tried to vacuum it and now the vacuum is drunk
CONFIRMATION: i wiki searched it and Justin Bieber is 15 not 13. so i dont feel like as much of a pedofile now....
if I'm ever single again, I swear to god I'm going to have 87 venerial diseases
he called to tell me the scratches were still on his back. this was in the summer.. still the best hookup
I just got off a plane from Mexico. At least 15 passengers dashed to the bathroom throughout the flight. Can you tell its spring break?
I just finished washing your number off of my chest. I'm Bryan by the way.
I can't even teach it... It's just natural slutyness.. My mom has it too
You think they'd ask my permission before turning Pajamarama into an orgy. I saw too many of my friends dicks at once the door got kicked down.
All she was asking was for you to describe your coat so she could get it, but you kept yelling at her so the security threw you out.
I started scrolling back in our texts looking for context and a picture of your dick rose like the Great Pumpkin in the middle of my screen.
My last google search is "how to build a flamethrower"
Whatever. I hate you. My vagina hates you. I hope a bird shits on your head today.
I stirred my drink with a butcher knife. His roomate keeps giving me dirty looks
Like what do you want from me
Where the hell did you pick this girl up? She just licked my cat and stole our last poptart.
Put a Santa hat on my junk. He's wants to be festive too.
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