she left her pants. im pretty sure she grabbed mine on accident. im like 9 man sizes bigger than her. wtf
What can I say...he's packing some serious heat down there. You wouldn't expect that looking at him, huh?
I guess God knew he was going to be bald...
Yes. It's so easy to pack to leave when you've thrown away half your clothing cause it smells like vomit.
she sucked my dick to get the taste of the last guy's out. I need to find a new friend with benefits.
how do i say "thank you for the blowjob, but never talk to me again" without crushing her?
How could you not be happy? Its like "and then I found 5 dollars" but "and then I found a handle of vodka"
if you really think there are plastic pots safe for the stove i fear for your future landlords.
I AM HAVING A WEIRD OUT OF BODY EXPERIENCE. IN CAPS LOCK.
He appeared on my 7th floor fire escape and sang to me and jimmy through the window when we fucked. He's like a drunken mix of Sinatra and Spiderman.
Just received a visit from the Ghost of Bad Decisions Past. Kind of weird 90% of the flashbacks happened in the same sixteen month span, the rest happened at Taco Bell.
Like do you realize his dealer came out with a gun and we laughed like it was all just fun and games...
I'll always remember 2012 as the year I hooked up with countless girls who had the sides of their heads shaved.
Dude I'm at a Marijuana dispensary party. They are giving away BAGS of edibles
How do you keep ending up in these situations?
My dad is their accountant
I feel awful. The bartender added me on Facebook and there's chips all over the bathroom floor
I refuse to take any type of advice let alone love advice from a motherfucker who is missing 3 fingers from a Fucked up masturbating accident.
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