I don't get calzones all look the same but taste so different
Call me "white mamba"
Your dick is not a dangerous deadly poisonous snake
It is white.
Eating a girl out that was just in the ocean does not make her taste like saltwater taffy
If Andre Agassi did Crystal Meth, what was John McEnroe doing?
Going to eat lunch. Bunch of people in church clothes, and we are hungover, wearing pajamas, and in real danger of puking on the floor. We're about to destroy the ambience of this joint.
So I purposely left a bunch of metal in my pockets so that the smokin hot TSA officer would give me a pat down. Airport security just got fun
as it turns out, there is no "i was in the pool" excuse for adderall-induced shrinkage.
i'm sorry, but my penis isnt the solution to your problems
Apparently I told the girl smoking was terrible for her, and then requested it in my mouth.
He's drinking 50/50 vodka/water out of a camelback. Disaster would be a compliment at this point.
I've given up for the day already. I just wanna eat cheesecake and hide from her.
If a cougar buys you pizza and wants to show you her newly-won house, you have sex with her. It's the law. Just being all the man I can be dude
I thought about mashed potatoes the whole way home
She's blowing me while I'm watching air jaws. I love shark week.
you told me you wanted to be a soccer mom with a high tolerance then you put the bottle to your face
Randomize
