there's no food at this bar, but i'm pretty sure vodka is made of wheat so i'm basically drinking bread.
Sorry I didn't pick up for your booty call. I usually am asleep at 4:00 on Thursdays. Like a normal person.
the mechanics of walkigng feel weird right now everyone lools like a demon
what does alcohol mean
Also he wants to know a casual, consise way to ask a girl in a bar if he could eat her out. Think on that.
As soon as they started using chocolate milk as a chaser for captain Morgan, I thought l it'd be best to leave.
You're fucking beautiful as shit and we should have loving sex...
Apparently I'm not allowed to call at 3am anymore and ask to speak to all his siblings. I was just trying to get to know the family
He is peeing inside and sticking up for himself. Those are two of the four signs of the apocalypse.
How do you explain to a guy that he's like a little puppy dog that you play with, but then leave at the shelter to go home to your German Shepard?
I am not working on the very first day I can throw up alcohol that I legally bought and drank.
Telling the family you're going for a run, getting dressed in workout clothes, and then walking halfway around the block and smoking a joint. This is my life
Why do I have a vague memory of your entire fraternity climbing in through my bedroom window?
You have talents. You got me laid two weekends in a row in two different cities.
He sent me a dick pic. I am fighting the urge to send him a "sorry for your loss" card.
You should feel special! You're also the only person I've ever punched during sex
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