I may or may not have eaten the rest of your birthday cake last night after getting blazed and watching harry potter.
i think you have the wrong number
so then it wasn't your birthday cake. k, cool.
I have another pimple on my ass cheek.
I'll be there in 10 minutes.
Do you need a place to sleep? Cause I fucked in the guestroom a few weeks ago and never washed the sheets. But if you don't care neither do I.
That's so unfortunate for him bc you can always find another penis, but he's stuck with it
Did I send you an asleep facebook message about the upcoming football season titled 'BRILLIANT' at 4:45 this morning?
VODKAVODKAVODKAYESSSS
You had us pull over so you could pee, you proceeded to pee in some random persons front yard while yelling "im not ashamed"
She was horrified when I asked if they had any strap on chin dildos, I was at a sex shop for gods sake must I be judged everywhere
I'm starting to think that birthday sex is just an urban legend. Like the boogey man, and woman orgasms.
He was wearing running shoes tho. Thats like the cardinal rule. You don't fuck a guy who wears running shoes as regular shoes.
No, I didn't meet up with him! That's when I had chlamydia.
I was taking this cougar home in the middle of the night I walked across the hall all naked to take a piss and ran into to some chick from highschool she said no way you are fucking my mom ran into her moms room and started yelling at her
I’m really regretting these suede pants.
short story short, i just screamed anal seepage in the middle of a diner.
So. Much. Porn.
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