I was in bed at 845. Affairs take a lot out of people
IT'S FRIDAY. So quit being a pussy, get out of bed, and come help me drink these 40s. That's not a request.
I knew it was gonna be a rough night when the guys next to us at Relay for Life started shot gunning beers and yelling "This ones for all the hot chicks that went bald because of cancer". It kinda went downhill from there....
oh, i've got big weekend plans. on an unrelated note, do you think viagra will work if the guy is roofied?
My sharpie cut off line was invaded last night. Where's my turtleneck?
i've never been that scared in my life. i ran naked into the corner and he just stood there trying to shield his boner from the light.
Dunno why I keep hitting snooze. It's never gonna give me the kind of sleep I need to be sober.
She wants me to spank her and yell "Kerry! Your father is disappointed with your choices!" Fuck up but crazy hot? Or just fuck up crazy?
I'm currently eating a turkey dinner, listening to xplosive by dr. Dre, and drinking rum. Hispanic christmas dinners are the best.
I shaved my legs and got a bikini wax, I don't care what I take home as long as it has a penis
If you find my purse on your yacht please call me - girl you slept with after yacht party
He's the stereotypical redneck. He tried to go kayaking during a storm and almost got into a fight when a park ranger tried to stop him
You don't usually get feedback after a one night stand... But you hit it out of the park. I'm proud to call you a friend.
It's 7am. I'm sitting on the curb in last nights clothes with a nose bleed and no idea how to get home. Low moment I feel.
when she didn't finish her burrito you wanted to call the cops because you said it was neglect
Randomize
