Theres a dude at this concert at the urinal double fisting beers, taking drinks from both while simultaneously pissing euerywhere. He is my hero
I told my dad that bagels were the equilelent of angels kisses and if he bought me one i would do a split
Guys, right now i need a picture of a squirrel, preferably with one of you guys but not necessary.
cracked out the beer snorkel again. that thing has a five for five record of getting me naked.
So it sounded like a midget was barfing IN our walls again this morning ...
Highlight of my night: you taking that shot of garlic butter and then throwing the empty container down on the stairs and saying FUCK.
Plus it's a good way to scope out guys. Have them fight for you, like real males do in nature.
Yeah the last text says "How many your ass,,,,, prepare it" so take that for what it is
Apparently chalking everything I've done these past 48 hours to the fact that it was homecoming, is like a "get out of jail free" card.
He seduced me by making me nachos. It worked.
Have you ever tried to have sex with a fairy? My penis is literally bigger than her.
Yeah so then I used the selfie stick his mom gave me to take nudes
He called my vagina his wife... how is that NOT creepy?!
I just want you to make me second guess my worth as a human. Is that too much to ask?
You went into my bathroom put on my bathrobe.. Said excuse me then went in my front yard and started yelling who ate my whopper..
Randomize
