WHY CAN'T YOU EVER SHIT LIKE A NORMAL PERSON, JESSE.
That fat broad you banged out last night is still here and I can hear her snoring through the living room wall. I would leave, but I don't want to come home to an empty fridge.
I could tell by the way he was holding my hand that he really liked you
We got blackout for the alumni dinner, and then walked THROUGH the keynote speaker, managing to still say "excuse me".
she definitely blew him on the riverbank, some lady floated past and said "have some pride honey", amazingly awkward
The "puke-towel" started to grow something...
Yeah well my vagina has expectations too but they don't get met all the time.
Our suitemates are shrooming again. I left a less colorful dress hanging on the door, change before you come in because purple is making Maeve cry.
That's the girl I met who was peeing on the driveway with me. We bonded
Apparently the Massachusetts Bay Transit Authority severely looks down on Chinese firedrills on a public bus
Yeah but the people love.
Nothing says happy valentines day like waking up to a naked man you hooked up with taking a walk of shame
she used her teeth again, but this time it was out of love
Once upon a time I threw up in my own hands last night.
all I want for my birthday is booze and sex toys. don't bother calling if neither of those are included.
A good example of deductive reasoning: Knowing that when my girlfriend texts me "I promise not to smoke all your weed!" that she is...at that VERY moment...Smoking All Of My Weed.
Randomize
