it was beautiful and magic like when a hot girl grabs her own tits and smiles at you
We took shots in honor of Shark Week.
you're just mad because in the hogwarts world I'm Harry and you're Ron. get over it.
seeing an 80 year old woman puke in the bushes changes everything...
that's spring break in florida for ya
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just wanted to give you a heads up. There's a crab in the kitchen. He doesn't have a name yet. We are just calling him crab for now. Oh! and we have memosas!
There are 144 bottles of wine in my mother's pantry. She just shrugged her shoulders and said it was for the wine pong tournament on Christmas Day.
ok is that genuinely the first four bars of mozart's symphony #40 sharpied onto my arm or
Please, take the 2 shots of vodka that I left as an apologie.
i could've stared at her spine forever man..she was so deep, and she made a drink out of vodka and organic mangoo shit. i will find her and present that goddess with some fucking gummies
you're no longer allowed out of my sight at parties
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My mind just played a snippet of me asking to be a Joey and trying to climb into your apron pocket...
Just walked by a girl saying to her friend "honestly you coulda given me any dude and I woulda fucked him"
You should've introduced yourself
I just found those cheese sticks in my purse. Along with a handful of confetti.
You said too many real things and now I need to crawl back inside my protective fort of sarcasm, being an asshole, and sass
He ate me out for an eternity. Like fell asleep, woke up, and he was still doing it.
Why can't he see that I don't want a slow getting to know you period? I just want to bone. NOW.
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