Oh shit, I think we need to get you a hobby that doesn't include penises
I look better un-naked...
why did they invent bidet's? your butt gets clean when your poop falls in the toilet and splashes up anyway...
and she said "My body is an orphanage, I take everybody in"...
I ran a string through all of my old vicodin bottles and strung them on the tree. Tis the season.
She's currently celebrating her completion of "Sober October" with "Margarita Shit-Show November."
We were naked in bed for hours and we didn't have sex. Either he's gay or he wants to respect me. Neither of which I approve of.
I GOT MY PERIOD THIS IS A GLORIOUS DAY I AM TOTALLY GOING TO MAKE PIES TO CELEBRATE THAT THERE ARE NO REPUBLICANS IN MY UTERUS!
well he got me up crazy early but i got pizza for breakfast and an electric blanket to sleep with sooo he passed the one night stand test.
I really enjoy how cavalier you're being about your chlamydia
High-fiving last weekend's hook up in passing on the way to class has given me quite the lady boner.
I just walked through the door and she ran up to me, hugged me, unzipped my pants and immediately started sucking my dick. Good day.
It's all part of my master plan: have him buy me all I can eat pizza and all I can drink beer AND THEN tell him there was no spark and we're better off as friends.
Do you know how difficult it is to masturbate with Christmas carols stuck in your head?!
...this is why fuck buddies should be only for grownups.
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