you wouldn't even come home last night... Dead to me
you dont have to exercise, you threw up last night!
just wanted to thank u for shitting in my dads bidet last night. i had to manually scoop ur shit out of it. btw ur dumped.
My T9 text prediction thing keeps predicting every next word is going to be "midgets".
There's half of a squirrel in the bathtub - i figured you'd be the one to go to.
I feel like everytime I call him he's either fucking or getting into trouble. It's really disturbing that he presses the answer button and then proceeds to fuck her harder.
I got a blowjob dressed with a t shirt sweatpants and a Fanny pack. Not kidding.
He called some chick he used to fuck for cash to get food delivered to cheer me up
my life could not get any worse. just saw my sister in a porno
His chest is so hairy i want to pet it with my nipples.
I am having telepathic thoughts with my cat. He loves me and wants me to blow his nose
This is even better than the wine from my laundry basket
passed out on bart again and decide to bike home. biked thru a goat farm of angry goats, biked on the freeway, got stopped by the cops, and sat shotgun in the squad car while the officer driving got a video on his iphone of his partner riding my bike on the freeway.
I love when Facebook suggests people I may know. Well, yeah, I know him. He's my drug dealer. Pretty sure I want to keep that relationship strictly professional.
Wow first he impregnates you then he won't send you the sex tape you made together? Where has chivalry gone?
Randomize
