Tostitos scoops are the best shotglasses ever. Eat it after as a chaser.
On second thought, trying to signify she was a butter face by wiping my bagel on her cheek may not have been in my best of interests
Her thighs are so strong. I thought my head was gonna get crushed when I was eating her out
I'm drinking and throwing an enormous tennis ball at children. I couldn't be happier.
We're going to catch a squirrel this summer
I have to deal with three things I do not like this weekend. Pooping in toilets that are not mine. Air mattresses. Not beating off in the shower.
ok it turns out chain mail does not protect against falling down a flight of stairs. please send help.
So I found a skull ring inside me this morning. I'm assuming its yours, so I'll leave it in my mailbox for you - it looks expensive.
THIS IS NOT A DECISION I MADE AT ONE IN THE MORNING IM JUST GETTING AROUND TO TELLING YOU ABOUT IT NOW
I was a plus one at an intervention for a person I didn't know.
Hypothetically speaking, when I get a sugar glider would it be frowned upon to bring it Ito classes with me in m pocket?
idk i just feel really unsatisfied. like something's missing from my life... maybe it's chicken nuggets...
Just paid for my STD meds using a giftcard I got for Christmas. Thanks mom.
Yeah, so if you ever try to steal it, just know my tongue's been on it in several occasions. All over it.
So there we are, fucking beneath the Christmas tree and I glance up and see one of the local Jehovah's witnesses staring in horror through the decorative glass in the front door. I'm so proud of us.
Randomize
