I didnt shave my beard last night, so I could feel it while Im shrooming today
You know you have a great job when you need a DD home from work at 6pm.
I guess I tried to spit on a homeless man on the walk home...Out. Of.Hand.
Any idea who the guy in my bed tagged as rattlesnake dick might be?
Chef at hibachi place learned it was my bday and sprayed 20 second count worth of saki in my mouth. Not sure it was the right image to share with my kids, but thought you'd be proud.
Some guy thought i was the waitress and handed me his credit card. drinks on me.
He kept checkin to make sure you were still alive after you passed out on his bed, After like the 4th time he walked back in there you were naked on his bed eating an apple, claiming he needed to be the Adam to your Eve..That drunk..
I just woke up to myself peeing the bed. Happy hump day! I'll never get married.
My boobs looked so good under the black light I saw a girl physically cover her boyfriend's eyes.
I found a blow up pig at an adult store. He will have to fuck that on video if he wants anal. Also, I bought a pair of clear high heels. Tell your brother I love him.
so much tequila, so little girl.
You are in a fancy European city. The best way to truly experience the city is through Tinder
Oh wow and I have a bunch of portable wine glasses called to go coffee cups
I just tripped over a but plug that was on the floor. It's 430 in the morning
Her mom Is so hot that when she was bending over i just zoned out starin at her ass her dad slapped me on the back an said let me tell you son everything you see here is mine and you had better realize i felt like simba
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