he's 24. he finally texted me instead of using facebook chat. baby steps.
Really? You have stories that rival having a threesome with the two best friends of the guy your kinda seeing? Thats impressive.
We all just poured out a sip of our drinks for you. One for our pussy whipped homie.
I guess on the plus side everyone really, really enjoyed my nipple clamps
Well, when he's back from China he's probably gonna be pissed I used the spare key he gave me to prove to everyone I'm fucking an NBA player. We took all his booze too.
I have a new game. It's called "how weird can you act before a guy won't fuck you". I've deducted most guys are willing even if you're batshit insane.
If you happen to tell anybody my drunk story in the near future, please refrain from telling them about me shitting myself. People are getting the wrong idea and random people are messaging me on Facebook making fun of me for that
So, just in case you go to the bathroom in the middle of the night.. Sam is asleep in the first stall.
Matt just ate a burger out of the trash can in front of the McDonalds. We need to have a serious talk about his drinking.
He sent me a snap chat of his naked torso with cookies over his nipples. Like.... that does not make me want you homeboy.
Starting St Patrick's Weekend, non stop flights on Pacific Whorelines to the scenic HotMessXpress. Get the cougars ready, it's gonna get weird.
He fucked me over, so I'm going to do what any rational woman does. I'm going to get really high and have sex with his brother.
Can you come unlock the door? I just peed myself on the porch.
Every morning should start with 2 orgasms and a shoulder massage
I realize ur driving andwont read this til u stop, but I'm sleeping in the bed of the pickup. Please don't hit a deer.
Randomize
