Girl just texted me a pic of her boobs with the caption "don't think I'm a whore"
I wish I still had pics from the prostitute I paid/dated
ive realized i need to start an "avoid moving in with my parents after graduation" fund
At the end of the night you handed the bartender a piece of paper with the word "VISA" written on it.
they bet me shots that I couldn't give people piggyback rides around the club just cause I'm 125lbs and a girl...I had a line forming after the third guy.
Fortunately for myself I'm twice as smart and half as drunk as everyone else. All things considered I'm leaving here three-to-five times richer than when I arrived.
Mother fucker, I knew it was bad when you tried making out with my car window
Everyone heard you scream that I was to be naked, in your bed in 5 minutes. We were one hell of a shitshow spectacle
Fuck these runners passing me on campus as I'm waking to dinner. With my huggie. With flavored vodka and rum. Aka yum
Is he gonna be my crazy ex? Cause we weren't even together for as long as my weeklong bicurious lesbian relationship.
It wasnt until i started dancing that i realized i pissed myself dude. I dont think shes gonna call me back.
I went with plan f. get drunk and start a fire in my yard
I'm having shoppers remorse over a dildo
HAMMERED.. I made a peanut butter and jelly sandwich with toilet paper instead of bread...
Did I literally just offer a blowjob for help moving? Yes. Yes, I did.
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