ha- omfg whatt the fuck is wrong w me. Alcohol+third cousins= bad decisions
You know, sometimes I seriously doubt your commitment to sparkle motion.
If we have to be apart I understand. Being separated is probably best for our relationship now. I look forward to our booty calls.
I wish we were homeless so drinking on the streets was acceptable.
you set the microwave for an hour telling me that the done sound was your alarm.
I've decided, even as much fun as it sounds, I don't care for his sodomy box.
when we got back we had sex. but it wasnt til the morning that i figured out her leg was broken
I think I just fucked my first person born during the Clinton administration
How did a couple beers and monopoly turn into a bottle of vodka and throwing eggs at eachother in the kitchen?
No one figured out why I brought along the vibrating massager.
Just took the worst coed shower ever. We both cried. AND I only shaved one leg.
He paid me $20 to swallow a baggie of glitter, which turned out to be the best decision I've ever made. My vomit has never been prettier.
Whiskey??
It will be at least another 6 weeks before I say yes again. I'm bruised. I stole sex cards and a really nice pocket knife. I acquired a vial of my own blood. Talk about a yard sale...
Well I took a spicy wing shit in a field this morning.
So, I never imagined myself puking on the side of the road at 10:30 this morning to Lynyrd Skynyrd but here I am.
Randomize
