I'll just stay a virgin forever then
You still have to go anyway
Then I guess I'll have to start sleeping around
true best friends attempt to put quarters in each others butts. Thanks for the best birthday ever!
two words: fractured penis. two more: emergency room.
I just masturbated mid-day, thinking of you
I think that is one of the most romantic things I have ever heard from a fuck buddy on v-day, there is a strong possibility that you will soon be my girlfriend.
In other news I saw a pack of make believe zombies walking down green st.
gotta love wednesdays
I can't tell if your life is amazing or needs reevaluation when "did I get hit with a nightstick" is a legitimate question.
He is currently pregaming mini golf. MINI GOLF.
The less fucks you give, the more fucks you get. Kinda like "a penny saved is a penny earned" but with vagina.
The security deposit's gone, let's trash this motherfucker
He's so urbane and sleek; so aesthetically chiseled, having endless features to offer me whenever I desire.
Are you fucking a guy or a condo building?
That was the night, like, my hair caught on fire...
NEW HOUSE RULE! If you make it in a chicks cleavage it's 3 cups and bra off.
BP at your house from now on.
You can't just say "I scored us a potential threesome" and then not text me back.
The tamale guy is fucking with me, I wanna sleep in he wakes me up; early wake-n-bake and he's late and I'm hungry
How’s the date going?? Do you think he’s gonna cut your face off and wear it to his birthday party?
Randomize
