Obv we're gonna bbm each other in bed
just took a shot of grandma at the fucking bowling alley... this is going to be interesting
So when jo picked me up from the bar I kept apologizing and kept telling her "I'm just a wittle donut"
Me= Watching Ferngully. My neighbor= Having really loud sex including multiple orgasms
Oh God
I know, but the worst part is I'm not really sure which I'd rather be doing. Feel free to re-evaluate our friendship
Her bacne/racne was so bad it was like having sex with bubble wrap.
i fucked her mom dude
there's something to tell the kids
you're the only person I know who would bring a water bottle of screwdriver to a wedding, and toast with it during the speech
In hindsight buying the pill crusher with my vicodin prescription might have been too much.
apparently there was a flour fight and couch sex...
they would be such cute babies and they would grow up to have huge dicks. and that would make me proud as a mother
You have not lived until you've seen your mother stumble into the house with one shoe on mumbling incoherently about tequila cupcakes.
Hindsight is 20/20. Or a bladder infection.
Just got offered a dog by two Meth head's one of which wasn't wearing shoes and continually saying "fuck"
Plus, I have my cousin, the dominatrix, to help me out if things get out of hand
Already drunk, almost got in a fight with a bunch of irish chicks. And another with canadians. On my way to get a tattoo. I plan to regret this trip.
Randomize
