remember facepaint boy? turns out it stains. aaaand i have it all over my face and neck.
tell her no need for introductions. and that you've read about her on the back of toilet doors.
i have accomplished my summer goal of being able to relate to every taylor swift song
OMFG, I'm seriously about to get fairly unpolite with this guy.
Wow. I bet he's shakin' in his boots.
just jacked off in the bed i was conceived in.
Don't count me out just yet. Considering bartering a blowjob to see if that boy from work will take my shift.
Update is I am officially king of Gettysburg. Tam and I are being threaded like royakt. In bought e ruined a drink
Our penis' have led to more networking than mark zuckerberg.
Like if a baby's bottom had nipples, that's how my boobs feel
When our dicks touched he made a lightsaber noise.
I'm currently giving my drug dealer relationship advice. He's a nice guy and all but I'm really just hoping I get some free weed
I've literally NEVER been on a date or gotten through one episode of netflix without having sex like I JUST WANT TO WATCH TRUE DETECTIVE
If I don't answer right away it's because I took an Adderall and the fridge needs cleaned.
If God is analyzing my life right now extremely proud or dissapointed but either way I took wednesday night drinkin to new levels
No clue what you did last night, sorry. You did hand me a pizza and a mason jar with $1200 in small bills in it when I let you in though.
Randomize
