STUCK IN CAPS. WANA GET AFTER IT TOMORROW?
Is waterboarding an exceptable way of getting sober?
Going stoned out of mind to my sociology exam because it's really just a pizza party. I love community college.
I'm hiding out in the living room until he falls back asleep. If he catches a whiff of my tits, it's all over. I just need to play it cool. Babies can smell fear
He texted me saying that his mom found my nuva ring in their jacuzzi filter. I don't think I'm welcome back anytime soon.
Do you know why I have a burn shaped like a tiny spork?
Can I send you a picture of my penis? I feel like it looks really good right now and I need someone to share it with
We found Mulan.
I thought you were in bed what the hell
Remember when we made out in a Chik-Fil-A drive thru?
His idea of a night out is drinking beer in the driveway. He's been on house arrest too long
BOOOOOOOOOOOO *takes away your hoe card*
she chased shots of jack with a fucking steak. i'm in love.
So you completely disappeared from my memory last night at about my 15th Jager bomb. But only you. No one else.
Ugh. All the good hoes are in their third trimester.
I got here. Mom yelled "drink of the day is blueberry sangria" and next thing I knew I was on a slip and slide.
Randomize
