dude you were so wasted last night you ate a sandwich made out of tomatos, cheese, doritos, salt & pepper. Then you heated it in the micro for 5 min to melt the cheese.
She's the hottest girl I've ever seen before and didn't lose her virginity until she was 19. As men, I take it as failure on our part that hot 19 year old virgins still exist.
Had sex five times today because there was nothing else to do. I had no idea snow days could get even better than when we were kids
Holy walk of shame. Fuck someone's house. I walked past a family eating their free continental breakfast wearing yesterday's makeup
Is buying her a loofah for my house commitment like? I don't wanna give the wrong idea
the evidence from last night is not good...
what evidence?
my underwear is on inside out, and there are french fries in my hair...
Well I talked to some Canadians today, and I'm keeping a vigilant watch for sharks, so I'm pretty booked up.
I found your doppelganger. same hair, eyes, personality, catch phrases, and penis. it was mind-boggeling.
I don't think people appreciate how hard it is to fuck in a portapotty. Sarah and I had train for that shit.
This holiday season is going to be rough between people coming home for the holidays and the already regulars on my list I might have to clone my vagina to make sure I get everyone for all they are worth
I shouldn't be that hard, but i cant exactly put "a guy to tie me up and fuck me and then brush my hair" in my dating profile
Maybe I'm nitpicking, but that looked more like how one would jerk off an elephant than it did playing air guitar.
I could not handle jail. And my very angry parents.
All I remember is the bartender saying your sucking them down and waking up on the floor in my underwear
I think I might start referring to your vagina as a separate being now
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