people and things i regret. that's what i want to do tonight.
Is pulling weed out of a vagina a good thing or a bad thing?
Silently passing ghastly beer farts as I move around the bridal department at Tiffany's. Call it my contribution to the holiday spirit.
wait do you know what youre gonna say if they ask how youre getting back?
yes. helicopter.
can your parents tell?
i just had a cookie in one hand and a phone in the other and tried to eat my phone...they know
He did a line, told me my hair looked pretty against the background of the clouds, and then we fucked. Good afternoon
It was as if you forgot how to speak normally. All of your words came out either backwards or in song form
shes still here... layin in my bed watching a beyonce concert on tv drinking leftover franzia straight outta the bag and crying
I just realized how early it is, you're taking this booty call thing to a whole other level. also, there are altoids all over my room, that was weird
I had fun watching you interact with the world around you. Like a fuckin 8 year old kid who just discovered build a bear but really wants a cigarette.
Currently cooking 3lbs of bacon in case the power goes out bc if even one slice of bacon goes to waste then sandy wins
Dude, I traded weed for crunch berries. Happy Thursday.
Today I had sex and flossed at the same time. My relationship goals have been exceeded.
Tip: never mention Guy Fieri during sex
the guy working the counter at the liquor store noticed i got my haircut and said it was pretty.....
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